The things we value most in life are going to be unique for every individual. It can be your personal life, relationship, or career that you place a large amount of value on. What you value does not have to be limited, but we all have the same amount of time in a day. The constraint of time is our only enemy in what we wish to accomplish. You may have 25 things you value but only have time to accomplish some of that list. We have to make choices about what we value most and incorporate them into our everyday life. In this blog, I will share how to determine what you should value and words/situations that can cause depreciation to what you value. This is all about living with intention and staying focused on your goals.

The most challenging choice people have to make on a given day is what they should spend time on. I might sound like a broken record, but we ALL have 24 hours in a day. There is no one in this world who will get more time. (Without changing time zones) knowing this, we have to take the proper steps to manage our days properly to fit in the things we value most. That leads to the main question of today’s blog. How do you find out what you value or what you should value? This is where life coaching sessions can help guide you toward staying focused on goals and making choices aligned with your true priorities.

In order to determine what you should value, you have first to find out all the things you want to or currently value. The first step is to make a list of all the things you value. For example, my list might look like this. (Work, relationship, friends, finding new restaurants, traveling, amusement parks, board games, video games, taking pictures, family time, reading, sleeping, gym, boxing, yoga, cooking, etc) These are some examples to get you started. When you are ready to make your list, write it all down and make sure you do not skip anything you value or wish to value. The list should be lengthy. Do not give up on this process, as it is the first step toward living a more intentional life. Step two is to circle five things from your list that you wrote down. You might feel tempted to circle more than five, but make sure that these are the most important things to you, those that truly align with your life goals.

The top five values that you circled should be the things you make an effort to have in your life each day. If you try to do more than five, then there is a possibility of a lack of efficiency, quality, or burnout happening. You cannot try to do everything in the world at once, but the effects of making a list will keep you on task with what you value most in life. These values will have a huge effect on you toward your most desired life. Now that you pinpointed your top five values, you can avoid any excuses/words that will take away the urgency of committing to those values. Living with intention means committing to these priorities and avoiding distractions.

There are a few words that you must stay away from when you value something or someone. Those words are “I’m busy,” “I don’t have any time,” “I don’t know how,” “I tried, but it didn’t work,” and “I’m tired.” These words are just excuses and serve only to hold you back and slow you down. The word I stay away from and do not allow in any of my relationships is “busy.” This word has the power to destroy and stop any future progress because it labels oneself as unavailable. We have to make sure that we are available for each moment. This is due to the fact that we mistake less important values for important ones. Staying focused on goals means we remove the excuses that prevent us from living in alignment with our true values.

To be focused and not “busy” is to understand why you are doing one thing over another. Again, I do not say, “I am busy,” especially in my relationship. I can recall in many of my previous relationships when I told them I was busy and how it made them and myself feel. I felt like I did not care about the person because I was prioritizing something over them, and they felt hurt and underappreciated. The word “busy” serves no actual purpose when you are talking to someone you care deeply about. Do not give up on making time for those you love and value, because you will always make time for the things you love and care about.

Being occupied or unavailable is not the same as telling someone you are “busy.” A few weeks back, my fiancée and I were having a disagreement. I did not like how she handled a certain situation, and it caused us not to see eye to eye. Luckily, we had our family life coaching session two days later, where we could talk about it. When I called her to set up a time for our meeting, she immediately became hostile toward me and told me that she was “busy.” Our conversation went something like this:

**Start of call:

Me: Hello.

Her: What do you want?

Me. I wanted to set up a time for us to have our family life coaching session.

Her: I thought we were not talking?

Me: Whatever is on the calendar cannot be skipped

Her: Well, I’m busy…

Me: The word busy means you do not care and are not willing to make time for me. Saying you are busy is like telling me that you do not value me.

Her: You tell me you are busy all the time!

Me: When have I ever told you I am busy?

Her: Always in the morning when you are at work, and I text you.

Me: I never tell you in the morning I am busy. I say I am working.

Her: Well, that means you are busy!

Me: I never told you I was busy. You are putting words in my mouth. You can look at any conversation we have had, and you will not find me telling you I am busy.

Her: Oh…

Me: Just imagine if you were in a relationship or job and you needed help from someone, and they kept telling you that they were “busy.” I guarantee you that after some time, you will not ask that person for assistance anymore.

Her: Well, we will talk in two hours after I finish up work.

Me: Ok, talk then

: End of Call**

When you are in a relationship, you have to make sure you value the other person. I know it can be difficult to stay present and give all the focus to many things in your day, but we make time for the things we value. If you are currently single and place your values in your career and body, then you have to make sure that you are present at work and giving it your all. All the while, you should be eating healthy and nutritious meals, getting proper sleep, and doing some type of cardiovascular activity. I am sure if you value your career and body, you will not be working late hours scarfing down an impossible burger at BK or the new Popeye’s chicken sandwich. There are no shortcuts for the things you value. Those are the things you must feel completely, the good and the bad.

Not every day is going to go exactly as you wish or as you had planned. We might run out of time in our day to get what we want to be done, but it doesn’t mean you cannot answer a message or fulfill an obligation. Being busy or occupied is something you are telling yourself. That is an excuse to validate being apathetic. Excuses should not be a part of our speech any longer. The excuses people use each day to validate they’re not handling their business have nothing to do with you. This is where you make a choice to allow excuses to validate your life or start to take control and live with intention. Staying focused on goals is key to creating the life you desire, and this is where you begin to make strides toward your best self.

The truth about these excuses is there is always an alternative option. If you are tired and feeling lazy, then do as much as you can get done and head to bed early that night so you can be well-rested for the next day. If you think you do not have time for all the things in your day, then write down five things you must get done today and do all you can to complete them. If you fail to complete them that day, then commit to completing those five things the next day. Just knowing the things I want to get done each day allows me to stay focused on my goals and the results that I want to see in my life.

You will encounter many distractions that take away your time. These distractions can be friends, video games, or television, and you are in charge of what you allow. If you neglect your top five goals for each day, then, of course, you will try to make up an excuse to validate why you are not handling your business. Oftentimes, people get into the habit of not doing. They can go to the gym every day, and one day they just stop going. That leads us to our last and final step. Step three: do not give up! It is a 100% undeniable fact that it is easier to stay home than to go to the gym or get fast food instead of cooking a meal in the kitchen. Once you understand the things you value most, then you can begin to mold your life. That is, the life you should be having, your most desired life.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts