I have spoken about victory and loss in previous blogs with the mindset that no matter if you win or lose, you can learn from it., What do you do after a win/loss? If you win, do you celebrate with friends by going out on a night in town? If you lose, do you crawl into a hole and wait for the next day and hope everyone forgets about it? Regardless, what you should take a look at is what you gain in both victory and defeat. In this week’s blog, I want to share with you how I recover from a loss/failure and what I do amid victory.

Learning from defeat/victory will lead you to a better understanding of what you are capable of. This is important because there can be a lesson learned in every situation. Whether those situations are good or bad, they can serve as the best lessons you will ever have in life. I understand that defeat/loss hurts, but that is not the end of the road. If you find yourself in that realm, then it is up to you to seek victory and not give up. Defeat/victory has taught me that I am the person who can make my dreams come true, and you are the person who can fulfill yours.

Defeat has taught me:

1. That I can still grow

2. The limits I was unable to break through today can be achieved in time

3. Not to quit

4. Not to listen to people who do not have a stake in my life

5. Become relentless in my drive toward success

Victory has taught me:

1. It feels good to win

2. That hard work pays off

3. Dreams/goals can be fulfilled with hard work

4. The support systems I have in my life (People)

5. Become even better

One of the biggest issues I see is that people quit right before they reach their goals. I know you might hear that more often now than in the past because of the new pyramid scenes and online scams going on. The thing about those is that they are meant to make the top people in the company rich, not you. You do all the work, and their pockets get filled. They keep you on the hook by promising you great things in life, like wealth and exotic trips around the world. Though that sounds great, it is something that doesn’t retain the majority of the people apart of the scams.

The people who work for these places are as quick to jump ship. The leaders tell their followers that if they quit now, then they will give up on their dreams. I do not believe people quit because they do not want to achieve their dreams. I think they quit because they are unaware of what continued victories can bring into their life. That is where the focus should be. To not only see what could have been yours but rather what will be yours. You might not win all the time, but each time there will be a lesson to learn.

How to find lessons in your challenges?

I find that most people quit before they can achieve victory. In that type of defeat, they are giving in to their lesser selves and not going after victory. The problem with this is that they are reinforcing a negative habit/mindset that quitting is acceptable. I try to think back at times I quit before I achieved something great.  To me, this was my teaching career. I think back to what if I kept on teaching and pushed past the problems I was handed. Me, I was able to see that teaching was a gateway for me to start my own business. It gave me the experience and skills that I use to this day in my business. It could be said that I quit being a teacher, but what I gained was so much more.

Where was the Victory?

The victory came about only after I left working in the school system as an employee. Now I have my own business. I love being my own boss and making my own hours/guidelines. I am not a person who likes to take any order that goes against my character, so I decided to create my own. Perhaps it was ego/pride getting in the way, but I couldn’t be happier with my decision. I found myself at a point in life where I was lost and unsure of my next steps, but through constant efforts for a better life, I found my way. It took more failures than I would have hoped for, but each loss and hurdle made me stronger.

How does one find Victory?

The following story is one that made me realize how much I needed to achieve great things in life. I learned that even if you are a good person and do the right things you can still get burned.

I recall a time when I was still working in finance. I had a meeting with my new mentor, whom I would treat as one of my greatest motivators in life. My mentor was a white woman, and I was a young black man. We set the meeting up via email and would meet in a meeting room that was in the basement of the building. I remember being excited to go to the meeting and learn some new things. I did not have any expectations for the meeting, but I felt it would be one which I could grow from. This was my first time meeting my mentor, even though we were supposed to have had several others that never happened. Regardless, it was meeting time, and I was on my way.

To set the stage, the basement had a dark and gloomy vibe that I could not help but notice. I am sure my mentor felt the same way too. We started a meeting without any issues, and we spoke about our work and our goals. I asked questions about work and her dreams in life. She told me about her greatest accomplishments and most ambitious dreams. Her personality was lively, and she seemed to be a dreamer. What I had failed to realize was she was afraid of the “what-if” in life. She was a sheltered girl her whole life, so meeting with me presented some challenges.

I was a direct person and still am, and I think that made her afraid of me. When she asked me questions, I would give her the real answers. Looking back at the meeting, I think the questions she asked about time were the ones that set her off. I was strict with my time and still am. I believe that to be the opposing viewpoint in our meeting that day. It would create a disparity in our relationship and awaken a newfound understanding of people.

Nonetheless, little did I know the truth was something she could not handle. The meeting ended fine with a handshake and smile. I felt it was a great conversation between two people about careers, goals, and life. However, something else happened in that meeting that I was unaware of. The day after, I received an email from one of my supervisors to have a meeting with her. I had no idea what the meeting was for or how much trouble I got myself into.

The meeting started with my supervisor asking how the talk went with my mentor. I told her it went great and all the things I learned. My supervisor went on to explain that my mentor reached out to my supervisor to complain about me. My mentor told my supervisor, “That she was shaking in fear.” When my supervisor told me that, I was shocked. I had done nothing to enact that sort of feeling, but what I failed to notice was who I was as a man and who she was as a woman. She was a sheltered girl who would complain if someone looked at her the wrong way. My personality was too strong for her. What were the lessons I could take away from this encounter?

The lesson I took away from this defeat was that being in a lesser position than someone is not how I wanted to live life. I wanted to be my own boss and create a team/environment that reflected who I was as a person. I will not tiptoe around in life, trying not to hurt anyone’s feelings. The truth hurts, and that is what I will give you. Though that day I felt defeated, I found a newfound sense of myself and that got me closer to where I wanted to be. That defeat was the starting point on that I based the next years of my life to be better and set a certain amount of standards and expectations that I would hold everyone accountable to. I did not let that defeat stop me from being better. Instead, I used it as fuel to push past my old weaker self into one that would become mentally unstoppable.

What do you do in the face of opposition or difficulty?

Are you the type of person to quit or pivot? I wish I could say that the majority of us pivot, but the truth is many of us quit or keep banging into the same wall that stopped us before. People quit because it is too challenging or there is no immediate gratification in their efforts/actions. I know for a fact we can overcome any obstacle we encounter. That is because that obstacle is your mind. You do not hear Lebron James complaining he cannot dunk. That is because it is not an obstacle for him. If you are short and that is an excuse, then look at spud Webb who was 5’7, but went on to win a dunk contest in 1986. The only obstacles in your life are the ones you put there.

Any opposition you face is not an obstacle it is an opportunity. When you are faced with a challenge, there is something that should spark in your mind. That spark is the essence if you will or if you won’t put in the effort to be victorious. If you have that spark of motivation that will drive action, then no one can stop you. That action will give you the willpower to remain consistent in your goals and dreams. If you can start to change your initial thoughts when a problem/challenge comes into your life, then you can start to see victory in the face of defeat.

The steps I take to overcome Defeat and readjust to Victory

1. Remain focussed on the goal – Many people will distract you and try to bring you down. Do not let them win

2. Stack the deck in your favor – Do all you can to create better odds for victory. Whether that be putting in more hours of work/training to perfect your craft or gaining knowledge/wisdom to be used for your advancement in life.

3. Create a determined mindset – If you remain determined in what you do, then it is only a matter of time before you can accomplish it.

4. Pivot if needed – There is no need to bang your head against the wall and wonder why it is not breaking. Give yourself the tools and area needed to conquer any goal.

5. Never Give Up! – Self-explanatory

If you can master these four areas, then no matter the outcome, you can learn and be better than you were. That should be our goal each day, to be better than we were yesterday. I know some people are struggling, and their goal is just to make it out alive today. If you are at that place, then I want you to reach out to me so that we can start some purposeful work. If you can apply the action, then I can give you the satisfaction of reaching your most desired place in life. You cannot remain afraid to fail and fall in life. You have to be brave enough to believe and attempt to get what was always yours. Rise from the ashes of any defeat, and you will notice the buds of victory begin the sprout from under the ash.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

CEO of Reven LLC.