We are all sentient beings. We all desire happiness in our life. However, what type of happiness are we after? Are we looking for happiness to give us the best life or the kind that we get from seeing other people happy? Though you can live a life with both mixed in, there is a choice you have to make to keep happiness a constant. I find that now more than ever, more people are suffering from depression and unhappiness. This was no accident, nor was it on purpose. The mental and emotional state people are in right now is the result of the actions that lead up to today. Whether that be your upbringing, political views, or personal beliefs, those have mixed into how you think and live life. In this blog, I want to share your choices toward living a life filled with joy.

The choice of happiness begins at a young age. There is the spoiled brat that will be unhappy unless they get their way. There will be the child who is content with what they have. There may be a child who seeks attention through negative behavior. The list can go on to how a child can choose to seek out happiness. The common trend is that their happiness is contingent on some factor. It would be wrong to categorize every child without knowing them because children have many different personalities. When I was still teaching in the school system, the children I worked with taught me how different and similar they can be.

Deep down, a child wants to feel wanted and loved. Beyond the age of discovery and teenage years, a child is looking for approval from their parent figures. (Teens will operate on peer pressure and peer influence, which changes the dynamic of what has been making them happy in the past.) Children want to receive a high five or a star sticker for doing a great job. If they are unable to get that, then they are not content. They might rebuke their failure in anger and say how stupid high fives and stickers are, but what they are saying is that they are hurt and unable to express how they truly feel. Working with children has helped me understand how they operate and see the shortcomings that many adults currently have in their lives.

Adults seek out happiness in many unhealthy ways. For example, adults may seek happiness through gambling, explicit activities, drugs/alcohol, material possessions, and contingent relationships. Of course, there are many more that can be added to this list. Though this list has some everyday things in our adult life, these things should be in moderation. Choosing these unhealthy ways is a short-term solution to achieving happiness. Yes, relationships can bring about the most significant amount of happiness long term, but that partner is not in charge of you choosing happiness as a state of mind. What these things do is offer a false sense of happiness.

The false sense of happiness is the illusion that your life is filled with what you want. There is an understanding that thinking where you are right now doesn’t have to be where you end up. Thinking that means that you have the capacity for change and can achieve it. However, most people will say they want to be happy or want to be wealthy, but they are unwilling to do the work and put in the effort to achieve it. So the first step to choosing happiness is understanding the work that needs to be done to get there. If you believe that lasting happiness is as simple as buying a new car or being in a relationship, you will learn that it is false. Once the endorphin rush leaves your system, you will be back to your static state of being.

Your static state of being should be the focus of how you direct happiness onward in your life. When you wake up, how do you feel? Is happiness the first feeling to come to your mind? For the majority of people, it is not their first thought. The typical view tends to be what they have to do next. Whether it is to stop the alarm, get 15 more minutes of sleep, or that they have to get up and start their day/work. What would happen if you allowed yourself to be happy first thing each morning? Would that become your static state of feeling? To remain in a constant state of happiness is to stay clear from my ruminating thoughts.

The thoughts that swirl in your head constantly are obstacles to seeing and feeling how life should be. I had to learn how to live and appreciate the present moment to find lasting happiness. Understanding that what I think about is up to me implies that happiness is my choice. Whether I want it in my life or not will determine how I feel about things. It took me many years to get to that mindset, and it is something I have to work on constantly. I am human, and I am far from perfect. I seriously try not to let the little things bring me down. I learned to soar above them, and so can you! The choice of happiness starts in your mind and then flows into your character.

When your character is involved in feeling/being happy, then we have to understand that happiness at this level does not have to be self-centered. By this, I mean you can do acts of selflessness that bring you happiness and others joy. For example, if you volunteer at the soup kitchen and help to feed people who are down on their luck right now. Though you may not receive much in return, you will notice that you are ok with that. The act of giving in itself is a form of happiness. The choice of happiness is not simply doing things that make your life happier. It also includes how you affect the people around you.

When dealing with the people around you, it is essential to understand you are not changing the way they think, feel, or act. What you are doing is giving them the insight to choose for themselves. If they want to be in a sour mood even after you helped them somehow, then that is their choice, and it should not affect you. If you are giving to feel happy, it should be of no concern if someone doesn’t respond the way you anticipated. When you do something to feel happier, it should be done with the intention of not having it reciprocated. If what you do is positive and makes you feel happier, then the life you are trying to live can be reached.

Imagine you and your favorite person on this earth contracted a severe illness. There was precisely one vial of antidote to cure one of you. Would you be happy taking it, knowing that their life would end? Perhaps, your choice is to give them the remedy, and death was now certain for you. Could you feel happiness in that scenario? I do not believe there is a correct answer to this choice because we all have different reasons to live. If my mother and I were sick, I would want her to live, but she would also like the same for me. Our decision would cause both of our sadness, but it shows us that there is more to life than just living. We are both willing to sacrifice, but we are both unwilling to know we played a role in their death. Happiness is contingent on morality and values. If someone gave you another chance at life, what would you do with it?

I believe that a second chance in life will be more focused on what was given to us. I am not saying you have to sacrifice a loved one to get to this way of thinking. I will say that you have the choice right now to choose happiness for yourself and others. You can achieve both in a lifetime, but there will always be the choice to either share or keep. That keep in happiness is what many adults feel. People in relationships want to feel happy in them. They want to feel satisfied with the work and life they are living. All of these desires for their happiness are self-centered. Being self-centered is not a bad thing; it is just how you are directing your happiness.

Living a life where you seek to put your happiness second is a life that few people truly live. You might see/feel this type of sacrifice in parent/child relationships, some marriages, and grandparents. Parents are willing to put their happiness second to their children because they desire that child to be born. The child did not ask the parent to be born; it was the parent who chose. After the child is born, the parent decides again to either love the child with all they have or neglect their duty. I still hold the belief that many parents will put their child’s happiness first before their own. This is also true in some marriages/relationships and almost every grandparent-grandchild relationship. Placing your happiness second so that someone you care about first is its own type of happiness.

In closing, you have several choices in what happiness you can choose for your life. Whether the happiness is directed at you living a fulfilled life, being a part of why other people are happy, or a mix of the two is your choice. There is no law saying that you have to be in a relationship or cater to people in your life. We do have the golden rule that states to treat others like you would want to be treated. You should be proud of what you put into the world. That feeling of pride will create the underlying tone of what happiness is based on—learning to find what resonates with your soul/character and doing that each day. What you do might be different from what I do, but the result should be a life filled with joy. Whatever path you take in life, remember that the choice of happiness is yours to decide.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

CEO of Reven LLC.