I want to take a different direction in this week’s blog and talk about relationships. Of course, I will put a spin on it and how it correlates to our mindset. Now, if you have been keeping track of the news and what is going on in the world, then you probably know that domestic violence is on the rise. This is because many families are confined to their homes with their partners or kids. Now, I will say that there is no excuse for any type of domestic violence against your loved ones and family. Why do people do it, then? In this blog, I want to talk about why relationships can be challenging and some of the effects of those challenges, and how to solve them.

The main question of this blog is why relationships are challenging. The simple and honest answer is that when you take two individuals who come from different upbringings, backgrounds, and beliefs, then things can not sync up sometimes. This is a challenge because what your partner says or does might go against everything that you are conditioned to. You may like to leave the water on when you brush your teeth, and your partner hates the fact that you are wasting the water. Now, without putting yourself in the realm of who is right and wrong, you have to take a look at your mindset.

Your brain is the control center of your entire body and can be your biggest roadblock when trying to navigate through your relationship. This is because certain areas, like relations, in the brain operate on a very primitive mindset. Your brain does not like to do challenging or difficult things on a good day, so why would it want to be in a relationship that requires “work”? Though we have evolved as a species and can operate somewhat efficiently alone, we can get so much further together. So when we take a look at our mindset, what is it that is the true problem? Just because it is a problem for you doesn’t mean it will be a problem for your partner.

Not being able to see eye to eye at times can create tension in your relationship. Sometimes that tension can be released negatively. What we say or do will tell us more about ourselves than the other person. How are you reacting to what has happened to you? What types of emotions are going through your head? Who put them there? The list of questions can go on. Being able to ask yourself these questions helps you work through the process of your understanding of the situation. Many people are at the end of their ropes and do not have much left. The economy has taken a hit, and so have families. The stress is high, and sometimes our partners add to the already suffocating mounds of stress you have to deal with each day.

Stress is dealt with differently by men and women because we see things differently. We do not see the same picture all the time, and that includes how we handle ourselves and different situations. When everyday stress starts to accumulate in your life, it can be a challenge trying to navigate through troubled waters in your relationship. This is because there has been a disconnect in your relationship along the way. At the beginning of the relationship (Honeymoon Phase), you both could not get enough of each other. You wanted to know everything about them and spend as much time as you could with them. Then when your hormones and the chemical response (dopamine) return to normal levels, you are back to your regular self.

Now that your brain is not operating at a chemical high, you are left with each other. You may enjoy each other’s company but do not know how to cohabitate with your partner. This is a learning experience that can be very uncomfortable and cause friction. Many thoughts can be going through your mind like they don’t love me, I want to break up, they don’t understand me, or I am better off alone. These thoughts are negative and will not serve your relationship. These thoughts are making your relationship more challenging than it needs to be.

The effect being in a challenging relationship will affect not only your relationship but the rest of your life too. Have you ever felt heartbroken before? If you have, then you know how terrible it feels, and if you have not felt it yet, then hopefully, I can instill some wisdom in you. The truth of the matter is that all relationships require work. There is no perfect relationship where couples do not argue or fight. Now, I do believe that there is a correct way to disagree. We know the wrong way is to have an abusive partner. This is something that is very serious and hard to get through. Many abusive relationships cannot recover from this hurdle, but it is not impossible, just very challenging. I would advise anyone that is in an abusive relationship to get out. Perhaps in a few years, if you want to revisit that relationship, then do so carefully and be cautious of any red flags so that you do not put yourself in harm’s way again. Your partner is supposed to love and care for you. Harming you is the opposite of what a relationship should be about.

Now, if you are in a relationship that is going through a rough patch or miscommunication, then it will require both parties to make an effort. I was listening to a Tony Robbins talk on relationships the other day. He and his wife describe their relationship and certain things that they have learned that work for them. Both of them acknowledge how challenging and frustrating a relationship can sometimes be, but it is in those moments they say that you just have to let what’s holding you hostage go. If you are upset about something your partner has done or said, then you have to bring it up to them. Also, let go of your pride and be the first to apologize even if you are not wrong. This helps the other person apologize and begin the mending process. I did mention that relationships can be challenging, right?

Again, you will not always agree with your partner, so you must figure out a way to remedy the situation. There will be days when they just rub you the wrong way. You might be so innate with anger and just want to blow the roof off the house, but how will that serve you? When approaching your relationship with your partner, it is important to come off in a calm and non-threatening manner. You must be willing to communicate with them, even when you feel like you don’t want to see them. Once you establish a place of understanding and work through the problems, can you set yourself free of any negative thoughts or emotions? Again, many of those emotions tell more about you than they do about the person.

If you are having trouble communicating with your partner, then I would advise seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist. These people are trained to help you navigate these troubled waters and help heal any damage that has taken place in your relationship. Though time heals all wounds, you must be willing to address your issues so that you can work through them. Your brain will try to come up with situations on its own, but oftentimes they can be negative and not serve you or your relationship. It is extremely important when going through challenging times to understand that this is a tough moment, not a tough life.

In conclusion, your relationship will not remain in the honeymoon phase forever. You will have to learn how to work through any problems that come up in your relationship. No relationship is without its problems or issues. You both have to want to work towards the relationship. Where you are today in your relationship does not have to be where you are tomorrow. If you are in a bad place now, then you can be in a good place tomorrow. The bright side is that every day does not have to be a challenge. We learn to appreciate the good and the bad times in our relationships because both require you to grow together. Remember that you both must learn how to communicate and navigate through challenging times. Also, understand that you are not the only couple with relationship woes. No relationship is perfect, but do not let those challenging times beat you down. Learn to embrace those challenging times together so that when they are over, you can have a stronger bond and a positive outlook for your relationship.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts