Welcome to the first tune-up series for all my readers and clients. Sometimes, I get returning clients who begin to have symptoms of the same problems they came to me with. The reason oftentimes a relapse occurs is that they are tired or run down, and they need some guidance to get back on track. This made me think of a way to help them when they begin to feel negative feelings toward themselves. Starting today, I will make the third Friday of every month a tune-up blog where I will give you a boost of confidence to keep on going even if times are rough.

The ability to self-coach yourself is a very useful skill. I use self-coaching in the mornings or after meetings to stay centered. This allows me to see where I am lacking or struggling, so I can address the situation and win. Self-coaching does not take away the need to speak/work with a real mentor or coach, but it is a great way between sessions to stay mentally fit and on track. Emotional control plays a huge role in this process, helping you stay balanced even when challenges arise. In the course of mindset coaching, one learns how to ask the right self-reflection questions for growth, enabling you to gain clarity on what needs improvement. Through growth mindset self-reflection, you can better understand your personal growth journey, which also includes reflection about personal development—asking yourself what areas you need to focus on to keep improving. To take these steps, you must have control over your schedule and be willing to put in the hard work.

Below will be my guided 4-step process for self-coaching:

1. Ask yourself, “How do I feel?” This will get many different feelings and thoughts stirred. This is the first step in self-coaching to find where you need to address the issue in this session. The goal is to practice emotional control by focusing on the feeling at hand rather than getting overwhelmed by a range of emotions. Be sure to do things one at a time instead of addressing a bunch of issues all at once.

For example:

• Do – “I feel drained from dealing with my relationship.”

• Do Not say, “I feel drained from working so many long hours, and my partner is not making it any easier with their constant complaining about their own problems when I have my own.”

As you can see, the second example is long and winded, which can cloud your thinking. In mindset coaching, we emphasize clarity and focus. This can make it difficult to work out the main issue because you cannot see through all your other problems. During your self-coaching session, you can address all the areas you need to, but you need to do it with focus.

2. Ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way?” Once you pinpoint how you feel and separate that feeling, you can begin to dive deeper into understanding why. This is where growth mindset self-reflection comes in. You might get the urge to say, “I don’t know,” but the truth is you do. If you don’t fully know yet, you likely have a small inclination about the problem. In this stage, try to be specific and concrete in your self-reflection. The key is to avoid getting sidetracked by unrelated emotions or excuses.

Examples: “My partner is staying out late,” “My partner is instigating arguments over money,” “My partner is abusive.”

The examples above are clear and specific, and they can be proven in an objective way. This is a critical part of self-reflection questions for growth—being able to identify facts and not rely on abstract feelings like, “My partner doesn’t love me the same way.” This type of statement is too vague and cannot be proven, making it difficult to address or work through.

3. Ask yourself, “How is this affecting me?”. Doing this will determine what is going on with you and can be important to why you do the final step.

4. Address the issue head-on. When you do this, make sure you have a calm mind and make the choice that will be most effective in solving the issue. This is the most important part because this is where you will find a solution to the situation you want to address. This can also be the most difficult step because you might have to make tough or harsh decisions. Whatever you do, you have to ensure that your betterment will be the result. This aligns with self-coaching, where taking control of your mindset and actions is key to overcoming challenges.

Disclaimer: No one should ever be physically hurt by your actions after a self-coaching session. You might hurt some feelings, but those are not yours to control. We are in charge of our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. You are not in charge of anyone’s happiness or well-being. Self-coaching allows you to make sure your cup is full before you go around filling others’ cups. By practicing emotional control, you’ll recognize that your mindset is your responsibility, and by practicing mindset coaching, you’ll be able to stay focused and strong in difficult situations.

Self-coaching is one of the most powerful skills I will teach you. Mastering this skill will allow you to master your problems and create powerful solutions that will help you get back on track to your goals. I know firsthand that it becomes difficult to do the things you love most if you are feeling worried, confused, sad/upset, angry, or heartbroken. Not being in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions will slow down your progress to your most desired life. If you are ever confused or lost, start with these four steps to get back on track. You can also head over to the website and sign up for mindset coaching.

Steps

1. How do I feel?

2. Why do I feel this way?

3. How is this affecting me?

4. What needs to be done to address or resolve this situation?

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts