This one will be going out to the guys. I will write a specific one for the ladies, but women tend to be okay with dealing with a man with a mood swing. Yes, sometimes men want to be alone, and that is easy, let him be, and he will appreciate you. However, it does not become an issue for men when a woman has a problem or something to discuss. Today, I will talk to you about the Relationship Mine Field moments.

Earlier today, my wife told me, “We need to talk.” I told her those were fighting words, and she said we must have a family meeting. If you are familiar with the brain and its operation, it immediately starts to think negatively, so I wondered what I did wrong. Then I realized I didn’t do anything wrong; she was out with her friends. Then I started to ask myself, what did those girls put in her head?

This is true when girls get together, but also when there is an aura in the universe because just as I was meeting a client, he told me as soon as I walked into the office that his wife was in a mood. I replied, yours too? I gave him some solid advice, and he will get back to me with the results. I will say that I find it strange how people can have the same problem and not be the reason.

I have been speaking about relationships quite a bit and will drop a series of relationship videos in the next few months to help people with their relationships. I focus mainly on limiting beliefs, results, and youth mentoring, but I always love getting a client for relationship help. My views on relationships are traditional with modern flares; it is the perfect mix in today’s world to have the perfect relationship.

Though I said perfect, no relationship is perfect, but the person you can be matched with can be the perfect guy or gal. The issue is not at the relationship’s inception but what happens throughout the relationship. This is where we are today. We have started a good thing and are now in a relationship where there are troubled waters. Whether they be because of what a person did or a thought we gave ourselves, we are dealing with a minefield situation.

There are right and wrong ways to deal with the situation when there is trouble in paradise. We can run in and hope we do not trigger a mine, but that often doesn’t work. We can walk cautiously, but that doesn’t have a high enough success rate to promote. What is the answer than to get through this minefield with all your limbs attached, and the answer is not a popular one that people often listen to.

I find that in my relationship, there are things I do and things I do not do, and if I do not do something, I am at fault, but when it wasn’t even my issue, to begin with, why should I have to suffer as well? If your partner is suffering, you should suffer too to some extent, but I find that not productive. It makes no sense to have two ineffective adults, so the person with a sane mindset must be able to support the other person.

That support can range from taking up more responsibility and being more communicative. However, I will tell you that bad behavior should not and will not be rewarded in my system. I have found a common trend in unhappy marriages which includes stone walling and not talking to each other. I find this petty and to be gasoline to the fire. What we need is a solution, not a modifier.

Returning to the system, the first part will be what not to do. Knowing what not to do is probably 80% of the battle, but many people will ignore or fail in this area. The reason is that they think the fix is a bandaid when it is just a dose of mindset and reality. If my woman comes to me with an issue and starts to ramble off all the issues she is having, I might say something like, that sounds like a personal issue; would you like some help?

This immediately de-escalates the situation among contrary beliefs. The reason is that I told her that her being upset should not reflect on me, but I am willing to help you. Most people in this scenario immediately take defense and try to get to the bottom of what is happening rather than stating their position. Now, this is only valid if the issue is not your fault.

If you forget a special date or something like that, you must operate under the damage control system. I want you to think of damage control as your house is on fire. Would you rather extinguish the fire on the stove or when your roof has caught on fire too? The answer is simple: you want to act quickly so the fire doesn’t spread, but even after the fire, there will be damage that needs fixing time or attention. This is where I want the person who is still strong in mindset to create the space for fixing.

What needs to happen during this time is that the person must first clearly understand and REPEAT the issue to the other problem. Once you repeat the problem, you will want verbal communication that is the problem, and then ask what you think would be the best fix for this issue. They might say they do not know, but you must insist and ask, even if it is a small step, what would that be? They might still say they do not know, meaning you must offer valid solutions for the problem. For example, if she is stressed, you are always working, and she has no time for the kid, you can say that you can hire some help around the house to take away some of the stress.

Notice how I didn’t say you would take off from work or sacrifice. This is a common trend people do that is harmful in a relationship because it detracts from the support and shows the other person that you will give something up for their “happiness.” I say we are not in charge of our partner’s “happiness.” Happiness is a state of the mindset that is dependent on the person. Yes, a person can do things to embellish our happiness, but we are not responsible for the other person’s state of happiness.

This is another relationship issue where people think their partner should make them happy, but life is not always about happiness. The fantasy people give themselves in relationships is a major contributing factor to all the relationship woes and arguments people have. It can also be a factor as to why someone would want to get a divorce because they have found they cannot be happy in the relationship.

If the person has decided they cannot be happy in the relationship, then there is not much to be done. Focusing on your actions to come out in the best shape possible would be best. Being in a relationship comes with benefits, but it can have a costly negative effect when things are not working or do not work out, causing separation and annulment. If this were to happen, it would mean you stepped on the mines and got blown up, but preventing that is key.

Every relationship can be saved, but both people must want to save the relationship. This saving only should happen if the prerequisite relationship checklist has been marked and you both are a good fit. Not every person will mold well with another, so you must have similar values and beliefs. I like to say that yoYouone that can read your mind, but that is hard to come by.

The next best thing would be to have someone who can see cause and effect. This is a skill I excel in, which is why I can help so many relationships start and turn into marriages. The skills are not suited for couples threatening divorce, but it is good for couples looking for solutions.

Depending on where you are, I can help you navigate through the minefield that was created.

Carefully navigating through the minefield can take some time, but once you have mapped out a path to the person’s true self, then with every new conflict, you know how to remedy the situation. Though it can be annoying to have to play Mr. Fixit all the time, it is something we have been tasked with as the leader in the relationship. We must do what we can to create trust and peace and continue to lead without worrying about a mutiny.

In closing, navigating through another’s emotions can be a daunting task. If done incorrectly, you can be worse than you started. However, if you have learned from your partner and know the triggers and solutions, you are on the right path. Though we cannot control how she feels, what her friends say, or how the universe moves her mindset, we can be the foundation she needs to build back up. Do not walk into the minefield of emotion without a plan. If you need a guide to get through, you can find that at Reven Concepts.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts