What is the first thing that comes to your mind when talking about positive reinforcement? For me, when I see/hear those words, I think about its early inception into the training realm of humans and animals. I am not saying that humans learn the same way as animals. What I am saying is that positive reinforcement has benefits for both when it comes to development and growth. Today we will be focusing on how positive reinforcement affects the human mind. There is scientific proof that shows how being positive has better results than its counterpart (negativity). In this week’s blog, I want to share with you how you can positively reinforce your life/mind towards what you seek, and it can help you achieve your most ambitious goals.

According to Verywellmind.com:

“Positive reinforcement involves the addition of a reinforcing stimulus following a behavior that makes it more likely that the behavior will occur again in the future. When a favorable outcome, event, or reward occurs after an action, that particular response or behavior will be strengthened.

To break this definition of positive reinforcement down, we must look at the word “strengthened.” When you use positive reinforcement, you are making the bond stronger, which will lead to the action that was reinforced becoming standard behavior. To put it simply, positive reinforcements make it easier for people to do the activities that will give them the most reward. The reward does not have to be anything physical, like a gift. The reward can simply be something that makes the person receiving the positive reinforcement have a sense of good. That will then create a willingness to continue to put in great efforts towards the same desired action or better actions. I see this in big companies when the manager will praise someone for their good work and efforts. Though it may seem like an inconsequential thing to some, people want to have a sense they are needed in the workplace. They want to be challenged, and they want some form of acknowledgment they are doing good work.

I remember reading a book on positive leadership that spoke about how a leader should use more positives than negatives when working with others. The book gave a simple rule to follow when dealing with other people and how to reinforce them positively instead of having an adverse effect. The rule was to have three positives for every negative they gave the person/team. The book then went on to explain the science of why 3/1, and the reason was that it takes at least three positives to outweigh one negative. I could see the truth behind that study because I had spent many years teaching and knew the power of positivity and how destructive a negative comment or action could be on a person.

It might not seem that a harmless critique or some friendly advice could send someone’s mind spiraling into depression. The truth is that words are powerful. What we say, even with the best intentions, can come off as negative to someone else. I am not saying that you have to tip-toe around in life trying not to hurt someone else’s feelings (It is not your job to regulate someone else’s feelings). What I am saying is that your intentions for the person should be to build them up. Words said in anger, and hate will leave both parties feeling empty. The best ways around that are to only look down on a person if you are helping them up and to speak about the good they did first before you tackle the bad. When someone is focused on the positives, it makes learning more focused, which will lead to the greatest growth in a person.

Even though we can use kind words and lift people all day long, there will still be obstacles in the way. Those obstacles will be the walls people have created in their minds. Introducing positive reinforcement will have the power to knock those walls down. I have found that the best way to teach and grow others is through the use of positive reinforcement. What I tell people each day is to strive to be better than they were the day before. If they can do that, then it is only a matter of time before they reach their dreams.

One of my favorite areas to use positive reinforcement with my clients is in getting over the fear of failure. Many people are afraid to make mistakes or wrong decisions. What I do is tell them to make the “mistake,” and I will respond to that mistake. They are pleasantly surprised that my response is not what they feared, I would say. I rinse and repeat this process until they feel that the truth they once had is not valid. The mistake/failure they feared making no longer holds power over them. All I did was tell them the opposite of what they feared. I told them the good (often in a 3/1 format) and how they could make it even better. Getting over that hump is probably one of the best feelings I give my clients. They say, “It feels like a weight has been lifted off of me.”. I simply respond, “Who put it there?”.

I will admit that we have a severe problem in our current society that stems from the presence of the fear of failure in our minds. Though it is not as easy as telling someone to think the opposite, and the problem is solved. It requires a type of wordplay that helps them to see their thinking and how it does not make any sense to hold onto that fear. Asking simple questions like, “What would it look like if you switched that fear around?” can make the greatest changes in your life. The short term for that switch is to be optimistic about the situation. Instead of worrying about what can go wrong, focus on what can go right. If you can learn to focus on the good and create a positive aura/mindset, then you will attract goodness into the many areas of your life.

Over the years, I have created a series of questions that I ask my clients to start to answer.

1. What does your most desired life look like?

2. What do you want to do with your life? (What is your reason/purpose?)

3. What will you allow into your life? 

4. What will you not allow in your life? 

These four questions are geared at helping them find the truth about what they should go after. The problem that many people face is that they do not know what they want, or they are too afraid to try and go after it. That is where positive reinforcement comes into play. Reinforcing the truths, they find from these four questions will help them to go after the life they should.

Having a positive mind space is essential for finding/attaining your purpose in life. The things you were meant to do with your life should not go unfulfilled. You should be able to achieve your greatest aspirations in life! Regardless of that fact, many people fail to believe that as their truth. The world has knocked them over again and again and told them it was not possible. What I do with my clients is to show them the other side. If they get knocked down, I encourage them to get back up and try again. I put logic in place of their excuses, and I remind them why we are here. I use praise and acknowledgment as my go-to method of positive reinforcement when dealing with clients. What they get out of it is more than just empty words. The words I tell them are filled with passion and a yearning for them to succeed.

So how can positive reinforcement help in your life? The good news is that you do not need to hire a coach to start applying positive reinforcement to your life today. However, I have found it to be easier when you have a coach to go against all your excuses, beliefs, and false truths that do not serve you. If you decide to go the road alone, then the first thing you must do is replace the way you talk to yourself. My number one recommendation is to start using affirmations to change the way you think and operate. Of course, you want to make sure you are using positive affirmations that will be able to bring about the change you seek. You want to remind yourself each day how amazing you are and that no obstacle is too great for you to overcome.

We must also be aware and avoid any type of negative reinforcement that may come into our life. Saying phrases like, “I just can’t do it” or I am not strong/smart/pretty enough” will limit you and any possible growth in your life. Words and actions that make you feel anything less than amazing should not be uttered/thought by you. You choose what you allow in your life, and if you want more than what you have right now, then you have to believe it. Using positive reinforcement is the strengthening of your foundation so that one day you can build an empire upon it.

In closing, positive reinforcement has the power to bring out the best in you or anyone it is directed at. Being more positive about yourself and people will make it more likely that you will continue to grow for the better and achieve great heights in life. The behavior of simply being positive/optimistic changes your subconscious mind and directs it towards something good. We all can accomplish great things in our life! We cannot continue to allow fear/uncertainty to govern our life any further. We have to tell ourselves how powerful/wonderful we are and that what we can accomplish will be great. We have to want to be better and achieve the amount of success that we deserve. Positive reinforcement equals positive results, and you are the person in charge of what comes in and what goes out of your life.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

CEO of Reven LLC.