One of the most difficult things we must learn to accept in life is that it ends. We will one day be faced with a card that cannot be avoided. That card is death, and it is something that was put in our decks when we pulled the card of life. No one knows when the death card will show up in our lives, but what I can tell you is that it is one of the most feared things in life. Though there is no way yet to avoid death and live forever, we can start to look at ways to cope with a loss. In this week’s blog, I want to share some tips I have found helpful when overcoming the different types of losses we may undergo.

Whether the loss you experience is of life, a job, or a relationship, it can hurt all the same. People will experience loss differently, so it is important to understand that and learn how to rebound efficiently. When I talk about efficiency in this manner, I am referring to how a person copes with the loss. Some forms of coping are more harmful and negative to our bodies and mind. I recommend staying away from any type of coping that destroys you in any type of way. What you should be aiming for are things that will build you up. You need to feel like you are making progress forward instead of taking steps backward. There is no cure or direction to give someone when they are going through it.

Healing will be/look different to everyone. It is important to understand that you do not know exactly how someone is truly feeling. You might have had the same experience as they did, but they might not be as mentally fortified as you are/were in the situation. A loss of anything can be devastating and should be treated as a big deal. No one should belittle your feelings to make you feel better. Though sometimes, you need a wake-up call to remind yourself that you can’t live life being afraid of the unknown. It is important to feel the pain of the loss and then let it go. More often than not, people are unsure how to let go, so instead, they continue to ruminate negatively about a loss.

That pain you are feeling is nothing to be afraid of or turned away. It is there to be felt and lived in that moment because one day, that moment and those feelings will dissipate, and you will be left with the memory and soreness inside. Just because the days get easier to live with does not mean that you are healed from that trauma. When you lose someone or something you once loved, it leaves you with a sense of emptiness. Your brain might start to think of the past and focus on that uneasiness that has overwhelmed your whole being. It is important to sit with feelings, especially ones of loss, and discern the changes that will come about.

I find that many people do some form of soul-searching when dealing with a loss. They seek help from a therapist or coach to get them through those rough days. I know when I have some form of loss in my life, the first thing I do is feel the pain. That pain can last 90 seconds or three months. There is no right amount of time to put into getting over a loss. There is only the right time for you to start taking the steps forward. The steps you take do not have to be huge steps at first. I know people who have had a loss and would stay inside their homes all day. They refuse to leave, eat, shower, etc. Though this is an extreme case, it is how some choose to deal with loss. You might think this is avoidance, but when you are alone with your thoughts, you will find that your most intense feelings will come out whether you want them to or not. This person’s first steps might be to eat a hot meal or take a shower. Those small steps will be the start to surmount any form of loss.

When I feel that pain of loss, I have to make sure to bring life back into myself, it could be me losing a job or a loved one, and I would do the same. I might not shed tears if I lose a job, but what I do to fix the hole that was made would be the same. That hole might seem like a black hole of despair is pessimism right now, but it can be filled in. I use learning and finding a deeper understanding of myself to fill in any hole caused by a loss. Though some holes will leave scars when healed, it is important to wear those scars proudly. That scar represents so much more than the hurt that was caused after the loss. It shows that you cared and will remember the memories and lessons passed down to you from those moments spent.

The biggest loss that I can think of experiencing is the loss caused by a death of a loved one. Though that death hurts and is unwanted, it can act as a sort of motivator in our life. People often pronounce that they will start to love more after losing a loved one. This is due to people feeling that they take life for granted. After death, people tend to talk more with family and start to appreciate all the things they have in their life right now. For me, I have found that death and sickness remind me to love more fully. There can be no half measurements when it comes to letting someone you know you care for them. The way I show love is probably different from 90% of the world, but it is something that does not stop the tears from the loss of a loved one.

Loss can feel the heaviest when we lose someone close in our life. Though it may be one of the most difficult losses to deal with, we must endure. Life is meant to be lived and then given back to where it all came from. To deal with that sadness, we must find someone or a way that will hold us accountable for our daily progress. There are stories where people adopt a pet animal after some type of loss. They learn how to care for and love again by taking care of that pet. What many people do not realize is that they receive unconditional love in return. Even through the sorrows of loss, a person can find what makes life wonderful.

Learning how to rebuild/restructure your life is another great way to overcome the loss. For example, let’s say you have been working for a company for 20 years, and one day, without notice, the company goes belly up, leaving you without a job. You can imagine all the things that might be going on in your mind right now, such as losing your salary, sick/vacation days, buy-ins with the company, and maybe even a pension/401k. To top that off, you are now worried about how you will pay the mortgage and provide for your family. In this situation, it truly may feel like you have hit rock bottom. The good news is that rock bottom is the best place to build a new career on. Though it might not look pretty at first, with time, it can become your greatest masterpiece.

When we are faced with a loss, our minds might spiral into a pit of self-doubt and pity. Those feelings are important to understand but should be quickly let go of. Life was meant to be felt. It was not meant to be lived stuck in one place. If you could give a percentage of how much you have been happy, sad, and neutral, you will find that happiness will be in the last place. The blame for this is not your own. You were fed an idea in school that if you work hard all your life, then maybe at 65, when you retire, you can be happy. Well, I am here to tear down that dream and help you build a new one where happiness can be number one in your life.

I believe with every loss, there is the ability to gain so much more. That gain can simply be a new career or deepened relationship. There is no life to be had without some form of loss. Life is supposed to be lived in balance, and if you run away from hardships for too long, you will find yourself unable to live happily. That is why it is important to find out how to overcome the different types of losses you will experience in life. This is something that you do not have to do alone. If you feel lost and confused, then seek help from a therapist or coach to help you navigate into a better tomorrow. You were meant to be strong and resilient! A bump along your journey might make you stumble, but it also allows you to stand up again.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

CEO of Reven LLC.