I recently published an article about Emotional Intelligence(EQ) and why it is ineffective for teaching adults, especially men. I am not saying that men need to forgo their feelings and shouldn’t have control over them, but there is much more to EQ than meets the eye. You can check out that article HERE. Nonetheless, diving into the primary negative emotions, we will deal with all the ones I can think of. This Tune Up Series will be longer, but it is needed to work through these emotions.

 

List of Major Negative Emotions Defined

 

Anger

Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure. Anger is usually represented as a violent or threatening appearance or behavior.

Anger can also be presented as frustration.

Frustration

Frustration is a sense or state of insecurity or dissatisfaction from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs.

Sadness

Sadness is the effect or expression of grief and or unhappiness. Sadness is typically a feeling that comes after conflict, loss, or unfavorable news.

Emptiness

Emptiness is a space or quality, or state of feeling empty. This emotion is followed by and can also be accompanied by sadness.

Helplessness

Helplessness is a feeling of powerlessness or the state of mind that you cannot or something cannot be done. Whether about the thoughts, feelings, and actions we take/have.

Fear

Fear is an emotion experienced in the presence or threat of danger. This threat or danger doesn’t have to be tangible because the brain cannot differentiate between the fear of death, safety, or comfort.

Failure

Failure results from not attaining the desired or expected actions, which can lead to a feeling of defeat, and falling short of one’s goals, leading to other emotions.

Guilt

Guilt is a feeling of responsibility for wrongdoing or failure, which can be paired with blaming.

Loneliness

Loneliness is a feeling of isolation or seclusion from being physically or mentally alone. This aloneness can develop over time or immediately depending on mental fortitude or life circumstance/environment.

Depression

Depression is a period of increased sadness when you feel “low.” What makes depression a unique emotion is that it can be accompanied by any of the other primary negative emotions.

Overwhelmed

Overwhelming is a feeling of being overpowered by thoughts or feelings that lead to inaction because of the massive amount of work or energy needed for change or the fix.

Resentment

Resentment is a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.

Inadequacy

Inadequacy is a feeling of not feeling enough or adequate in any presented role—I.e., Parent, spouse, friend, worker, etc.

Jealousy

Jealousy is another prominent negative emotion that can be a mix of other feelings like envy, bitterness, discontent, spite, grudge, suspicion, distrust, mistrust, doubt, insecurity, and anxiety. All these words have negative similarities to jealousy by causing the mind to develop negative behaviors and habits.

 

The Break Down 

Before I begin, I want to explain why we focus on negative emotions, not the major positive ones. The main reason is that many people do not or will not choose to take extra action when they are in positive emotions. The inaction in the state of feeling has little repercussions, but if we took the liberty of action in this state, we would do more. However, in a negative emotional state, we must act to get out more quickly, whereas happiness will naturally dissipate. Yes, time can heal the wounds of negative emotion, but similar to a physical injury, it needs to be treated, or it can cause issues and infect other areas of the body.

 

Concerning negative emotions affect the body and many areas of a person’s life. This is due to the massive mental load our mind has when in a negative emotional state. If you have ever experienced depression or grief, you will know that this is not a good place to stay long-term, but it can be a process we must work through to create a new homeostasis. Homeostasis is a fancy word for balance or a stable state of equilibrium.  Another way of looking at this is someone being in their comfort zone. People will take less action when in comfort than when in pain.

 

Though people need trauma or pain to take more immediate action, there is also a factor in the pain level. If someone is struggling or suffering, they will not take action until it becomes unbearable. Like that noise your car makes, people often ignore it until they are broken down on the side of the road. It can be easy to put off and neglect, but the setback is that we end up in an even worst position. The same is true when we are dealing with the aforementioned emotions.

 

The good news is that I do not have to give a breakdown and guide to each emotion because negative emotion is just that, negative. If you have a negative emotional state or mindset, you will need help/support to get out as quickly as possible. It makes zero sense to stay in suffering that can be fixed. I like to think of it as a toothache. If your tooth hurts, you will remain in pain and try not to go to the dentist because you fear how much pain you will have. However, people neglect to realize just how much pain they are already in and the irrefutable damages being done by not taking immediate action.

 

The same is true when we constantly have those primary negative emotions within us. If we sit in those emotions more often than not, we will find that the damage they cause can severely impact our mindset and daily life. This can lead to more inaction, mood swings, and even poor health/hygiene because we are unwilling to do what is needed. I know that working through negative emotions is not glamorous, but if you can learn how to deal with them quickly, you can start to change your position.

 

This position shift will lead you from focusing on negative emotions to positive emotions. However, it is easier said than done. The issue is that people will choose to ignore negative feelings or take the road of inaction because of the fear of dealing with these emotions. Though the process could be more pretty, it is necessary. You will first want to have someone to talk to, even a friend. Then you will want to look into speaking with a medical professional like a therapist or psychologist if it reaches the most extreme level.

 

Nonetheless, most people have managed emotional states, and at that point, most Life and Mindset Coaches can help you find a more positive direction to walk. Sometimes all we need is an ear and guidance, and we are set for success. Again, it all depends on your experience with dealing with/working through positive and negative emotions. If you have always learned to run away and never face negative emotions, that habit will keep you on the run until you reach a dead end or rock bottom.

 

One of the things to be weary about is the cause of these negative emotions. We live in a world today that focuses on the negative, and we mustn’t get consumed. I recommend that people create stop gaps to help them stay away from harmful news/content and people. This can be a challenge at first, but once you realize how much negativity weighs you down, you will not want to have it readily back in your life. The issue is not the negative emotion but what people do with or allow the negative emotion to do.

 

We are in charge of our thoughts, feelings, and actions. It is crucial that we can be clairvoyant and not allow negativity to rule decision-making. If you have to think about it, it is easier to do a negative behavior than a positive behavior. For example, eating cake and ice cream or going to the gym. It is easy to gain calories and hard to lose them. This is what negative emotions are. It takes three positives to eliminate one negative, which equals much more work.

 

The simple solution to working through your negative emotion is to feel them and learn how to let them go healthily. You do not want to be drowning in an empty bottle of vodka or a Ben & Jerry’s container as your go-to coping mechanism. There is a healthier way to deal with these emotions, like getting a coach or medical professional. The process will differ depending on your choice, but a commonality will be talking about what emotions you have/feel and learning how to express them positively.

 

Just because these emotions are negative does not make them something you should run away from. These are natural human emotions that we all can feel. Though some can lead to poor choices, we must embrace what it is to be human at times. That means that these negative emotions will come into our life at points, and though we despise them, we must allow them to be the darkness for our light because without darkness, there would be no light, and without bad moments we wouldn’t appreciate the good moments.

 

The real world is not a fairy tale happy ending. There is struggle and hardship, and we must be aware of that. There is a difference between symphony and empathy. “Empathy means the ability to understand another person’s thoughts and feelings in a situation from their point of view rather than your own. It differs from sympathy, where the thoughts and feelings of another moving one but maintains an emotional distance the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” (Resource) Sadly, most of these EQ people have lived privileged lives and dealt with minuscule struggles and trauma, so they can only pretend what a person is going through when in reality, they have no idea, making EQ pointless this stance.

 

In closing, there is nothing to be ashamed of if you are dealing with negative emotions. People think that simply being able to talk about what is going on or knowing how to express negative emotions is the fix for the issues in society. Though I wish it were that easy, no amount of talking or understanding will stop people from reaching these feelings at some point. These emotions make us human and should be expressed the same way you express joy and happiness. We must learn to live, feel, and let go beyond what emotional intelligence can teach a person.

 

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts