Our world has become filled with people seeking constant validation. From the amounts of “likes” a post/picture receives to the ideology of approval by our peers. In lieu of that validation, we have become a society that has one priority on our mind, and that is ourselves. It is our opinion, our belief, and our actions that speak to the world that we are seeking something unneeded. We buy expensive houses, clothes, and cars to impress the people around us. We want them to have a sense of envy/jealousy because we have what they don’t. If only the truth were as simple as an Instagram photo, the world could adjust to see what truly matters. This blog will be an essential guide for how you should speak, act, and desire in your life.

Our voice has power behind it, and many people don’t use that power appropriately. Your words can lift or break a person with the simplest move of the tongue. We must remember the purpose of our words. Were they meant to hurt people or make them better? We have to learn how to speak with respect because it is how you would want to be spoken to. Also, we have to say what is truly on our minds because if we don’t then, it will eat at us. That is why learning how to speak in moderation is so important. The words we say and the words we allow to hear from others will have a huge impact on our daily focus. This focus helps you to see what truly matters and what is needed in your life.

I believe that monks do a great job of teaching moderation when it comes to speaking. They spend most of their day in silence and speak only when needed. They are constantly working out their feelings/thoughts and when they speak, what they have to say is profound. I have studied many Zen stories over the year to understand this concept better. I want to learn how to use the power of what I said to be relevant and impactful. I had to re-learn when to speak and how to speak during my zen practices. I have now gained a certain level of skill when it comes to speaking because of this. The greatest benefit I received was the lessons I learned from those stories. The following Zen story is one of my favorites, and it taught me just how powerful my words could be.

Once upon a time, there was an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.

“Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed.

“Maybe,” replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy for his misfortune.

“Maybe,” answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.

“Maybe,” said the farmer.

In the story, the Farmer was given ample opportunity to complain and curse the world for his troubles. He was also given the opportunity to gloat about how lucky he was. The farmer knew the power of his words, and he chose to use one word. That word in the story was “maybe,” and it signifies that the farmer did not allow moments of heightened joy or disappear to affect his happiness. The farmer was content with what he had and either side of the coin. In a sense, we have to learn how to have our words reflect what the farmer feels. It is not indifference the farmer was speaking, but rather the chance to moderate the words we use. He knew his blessings, and he didn’t need to speak about them to anyone.

The neighbors in the stories signify all the people around you. They want to tell you that you are doing well or things are not good. They are quick to interject their own two cents without you even asking for it. You have to remember what you speak of will be the ammo that someone can use against you. That ammo you gave them can either be of benefit to you or be used against you. That is why make sure the people you have in your corner are limited to the elite few. The people who will speak highly of you and you of them. The people you can tell the truth to without repercussion for what you say. In a sense, these people can know what you are feeling without a word being spoken. That is the moderation you should seek.

The next area in the guide to moderation is our actions. The way we present ourselves to what we do on a daily basis can have a huge impact on the quality of our actions. Our actions belong to us, and it is important that we learn how to make our actions more meaningful. By this, I mean that on a given day, you could be given the opportunity to help you/someone. I believe there is a balance between what you can take and what you can give (should give). It appears more often than not that many people are giving too much to others and forgetting about themselves. The truth you must learn is that many people will be quicker to take from you than give to you. This is because we have become a society where the majority take more than they give and fail to reciprocate the actions of others.

Our actions reflect who we are as a person. If you have actions that are loud and angry, then you might have an internal energy crisis. I call this you want to “knock someone out” action. In order to resolve this feeling, we have to take a look at a quote from the Buddha, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” — Buddha. Feeling angry/mad is a normal feeling. It is our barometer for what we will allow in our life. Yes, it is true that our friends and family are the people who seem to agitate us the most, but it is all brotherly/sisterly love in the end. Just like siblings who grow up constantly fighting, eventually, most turn out to be the best of friends and confidants in the future. The action of holding onto anger will serve no one and should be avoided.

That leads us to the everyday actions that we take. This type of action starts to stem into our mindset and what we want out of life. Do we want to act like we are on top of the world and better than everyone else, or do we want to act like a humble person who respects and values another person for all they are? I know first hand it is not easy to love everyone in the world. The saying, “The ones who are hardest to love to need it the most,” is true. This reminds me of a time around the holidays when I was at Christmas mass, and someone stole the church bells that were to be played in the songs for the night. I am sure many people were angry and wanted to give that thief a piece of their minds. The priest told us not to harbor hate in our hearts because of the deed done. He went into more detail about this act and how it could help us grow, but the greatest lesson I received that night was the priest telling us if we saw a man with a bag full of bells to give him a hug.

Our actions can be filled with love and promise each day. We do not have to pretend to be someone we are not. Who you are (your character) should always shine the brightest. We have to let actions like our smiles or a helping hand be our guide in these troubling times. We have not let our actions tear down individuals who feel inferior and outcasted. Our actions should be precise each day. From the moment we wake up to bedtime, we should make each of our actions positive and impactful. Now, there will be days when you want your actions to be heard, and whether that be shouting or silence, you have to realize what those actions mean. Do those actions represent hate/despair, or do they represent love/growth?

The last area of moderation is what we desire. This is an area where we have seen constant growth over the years. From the creation of the internet to the rise in online retailers, it has never been easier to get the things we want. Now, you may not necessarily need them, but the desire to have them is there. I believe that having nice things is not a problem. The problem stems when you decide to have nice things to impress others. The intent may be that you are seeking attention or that you want to make them feel envious. Whichever you are seeking has no purpose/place in your life. The desire to live a fun, healthy, and plentiful life can be yours if you deem it to be. The purpose of your desires should be because you want them, not anyone else.

We live in a judgmental society, from the clothes we wear to the house we live in. This is one of the factors of peer comparison. Many people choose to compete with the people around them. Everybody is trying to get the bigger and best thing out there for the sole reason of bragging rights. This may not be the sentiment all the time, but if you notice it pops in your head often, then you might need to work on moderation of what you desire. I know retail therapy can be just what you need for a boost in confidence or feeling “happy,” but it should not be the main driving force. The things you desire will one day be another article in the closet or a toy in the toy box. There is plenty to gain from learning how to live a life where desire doesn’t rule you.

Living a life where what you desire is of benefit to you and your family should take priority. You should dream of being able to have a family life that is filled with love. There is nothing wrong with that. The thing about family is that it includes those people closest to you. You should not have to prove to any of them your ability to provide material things. At the end of the day, if you have each other, then that is more than some people have. Desire the simple things in life, and you will find yourself to be happier and a better person because of it.

This guide for how you should speak, act, and desire in your life can be the starting point to returning balance in your life. The lesson I want you to learn about moderation is balance. You can eat pizza and still be healthy or watch television and still be productive. This is something that has always been an option for us. We forget that time is fleeting and will not wait for anyone. We do not have time to binge-watch several Netflix series a night or eat fast food for dinner. We have to nurture our body and brain with a stimulus that will promote beneficial growth. With moderation, you can still enjoy all the things you want in life without the added stress and negativity that could result. Remember to choose what/who you want in your life. You are the maker of your dreams, and now I want you to become the creator of your reality.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts