So when you are a Life Coach, you deal with the gambit of issues a person can be dealing with. To name a few of the areas I have worked with include personal growth, relationships, career growth, financial planning, lifestyle, and health & fitness. Though my niche is a Mindset Coach, it involves addressing all of the above. If you think about it, where do your thoughts come from? Your mind is what will determine the life you want and the goals you can achieve. I started to see patterns in different age groups and genders of their problems and what was best for them to resolve them. In this week’s blog, I will compare the difference in the areas by gender and show the difference between the two.

This will be my most controversial blog to date. I will be speaking about both genders and their roles according to a topic for several focus areas. Before I began writing this blog, I had done research and interviews of both genders. The information given below will be premised on the majority, not the minority. That simply means if 51% of men/women believe something, then that will be the focus. For example, if 51% of men cheat on their partner, that will be written. Of course, some men do not cheat, but it is essential to premise how this blog is set up. If I speak of the minority in the data, I will make that clear, too (to make specific points). Your feelings will get hurt if you fail to remember these points.

Area 1. Personal Growth & Lifestyle

As said before, I conducted several interviews to get the relevant data for this blog. Our first area is personal growth and lifestyle. Personal growth simply means improving your behaviors or habits. Lifestyle will address how a person wants to live.

1 –  Women: The female perspective on personal growth & lifestyle in our current society is self-sufficient. This is the modern and independent woman movement that is going on. When I asked the ladies why this was the case, they responded that they didn’t have any choice. They went on to say that the men were not able to provide for them, so they had to go out and become career-driven to live how they wanted. Women also believe that they have more responsibility for their personal growth than men do. The reasons given were too mixed for me to develop solid evidence because it was unique and individualized to the person’s situation.

When dealing with lifestyle preferences, it was mixed again. However, most women did say that they wanted a man who could provide for the lifestyle they wanted or are currently living. That included having a lovely house and a reliable car at the minimum. There is also the bonus, but not necessary if the man in her life pays for her shopping, travel, etc. Women also believe that men have it easier in this area because they do not have to wear makeup, look good all the time, and adhere to societal standards. (For example, young women have curfews, shouldn’t sleep with copious amounts of men, should cook/clean, etc.)

1 – Men: When it came to the male perspective on personal growth & lifestyle, it was more straightforward. For their personal growth, they wanted to live how they wanted to live and not be bothered. They want to have an easy life, for the most part, with no drama. They wanted to live comfortably but were not as specific with their lifestyle turnout. Simply, they wanted to be able to pay their bills, live where they wanted, and have the car they wanted to drive. Of course, some men were more ambitious, but most men were just regular-minded guys going through the motions of life. (Pay attention to that, ladies)

Area 2. Career & Financial Growth

2 – Women: This second area of career and financial growth seemed tied with the first area. Women want to have jobs that can allow them to live how they want to live. There was no set price for how much they had to make in their careers, but they did specify that they would like the man to make more money than she did. Women’s occupations were personal to them, so it was not solely influenced by how much money they would make. The trend was that more women worked for a company/organization than had their own business.

2 – Men: In this area, the men seemed most excited to talk about. When speaking with them about their careers and money, it was almost like a kid eager to tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas. The men had ambitious goals and expectations they wanted their careers to fill. However, many of the men were not living up to their fullest potential. The reason is that area one and area two clash with each other when it comes to men. Men want it easy, but they have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable to attain their most ambitious life to be financially successful.

Speaking with the men, I have found that they would like to have a high-paying job and a lot of money, but not many men are willing to put in the effort. I even dug a bit more and asked them why they should demand a woman to be all the things he wanted in a wife but wasn’t willing to do what was needed to be the man a woman would like to be with. The men’s answers implied that the woman could take it or leave it for what it was. I found this interesting because a traditional woman’s role is to assist in her husband’s success. I think this change is the guy’s way of combatting the modern feminist movement in society. Guys are not willing to be encouraged by a woman who is leaving them at a high rate because of various reasons. There was not much accountability on the man to do his part to provide because women today are not doing their part and supporting the men. Of course, there are women who will build with a man, but that is a rare find, or at least I didn’t have any of those types in my interviews.

I then asked the men if they had a father in their life. It was mixed but leaned on the side of no. I asked this question because if a man thinks that he should not provide for his family, then there is a possibility he never learned how to be a man. It is his responsibility to change; this is not the job of the ladies. With that being said, this is the area where most men put their focus. Whether they achieve it or not is up to them. Simply looking at the mindset alone, men showed more interest in this area than women did. Men were more driven to have higher-paying jobs and reach a specific financial criterion for themselves. This is most likely caused by society’s standard of men providing for their families and being the breadwinner in a household. The woman didn’t have the mindset of being the breadwinner in the home. Nonetheless, most of the men wanted financial abundance but didn’t appear to be willing to put in the work needed to attain it.

Area 3. Family & Relationship Growth

This area has the most significant discrepancy between the two genders. I could write a whole blog on this area alone, but I will try to make this area appropriate and concise. What men want out of family and relationships is vastly different than what women want today. The change that sparked this is believed to have started when women entered the workforce and made their own money. Today, women do not need a man. However, most women lean on the side of wanting a man, kids, and a family. The inception of the modern woman was the demise of the traditional wife.

 3 – Women: I asked the ladies if they wanted to be traditional wives, and the majority said yes. If given the option/opportunity to be a stay-at-home wife/mom, they would take on that role. Some ladies were against being a stay-at-home wife, but we are talking about the majority, not the minority. The modern ladies who didn’t want to stay home did not want to have a traditional role in the relationship but stated that they wanted the man to be a traditional husband (catch-22). The underlying reason for them making this choice is freedom. They wanted the freedom to choose to stay in a relationship or leave. (This is why approximately 80% of divorces are initiated by the woman.) Before, when women were in marriages where they didn’t work, they didn’t have much choice but to stay. Now that they have the means to provide for themselves, they are able to leave a marriage if they feel like it.

When talking to the ladies about family and relationships, the majority could dictate what they wanted in a guy. They wanted a guy who would be traditional, protect, provide, and be monogamous in the relationship. They all agreed not to want to be with someone who is a cheater. I asked them if they would give their man sex whenever they wanted, which the majority of ladies gave me exceptions to when it would not be valid (Examples, period, tired, not in the mood, etc.). That just means that women want a man not to step out of the relationship but won’t fulfill his sexual needs.

One of the most agreed-upon things that women want in a relationship is an equal or husband-dominated partnership. This is not to be confused with the husband delegating what the woman can/can’t do in the relationship. This simply means she wants the man to be a “man” and lead. That means being able to support her and be monogamous while in the relationship. I went on to ask about her role while the man was doing his thing, and the majority said to be the wife (cook, clean, sex, etc.).

By this point, the ladies had already told me what type of man they wanted. They wanted a guy who was taller than them. Makes at least $100k or at least more than them, preferably no kids, in shape to a point, good values, similar interests, etc. The demands for what women want in a man are way more than what men want in women. The ladies’ preferences for a man were men, who ranked in the top 20% of men in the country. That means roughly 80% of the men that they deal with will not meet their criteria for what they are looking for in a partner. I asked them, knowing that this was their statistic, which gender settles more? The majority after discussion was that women settle more than men. That is why you have so many single mothers with baby daddies who “ain’t sh**.”

When asked whose fault it is that they are single mothers, they said it is 50/50 or equal. I told them that as a woman, you have the right to sexual access. They still said equal blame. I then asked them why they would have a subpar man as their baby’s father. This was a mixed response. The typical tone was they didn’t know he would be like that. This led to contraception and “sexual technique,” which were all the man’s responsibility to make sure was in place before intercourse. I even asked about abortions and if they refused to get one if the man was for it because he didn’t want to have a child with them. The response was he shouldn’t have had sex and needed to take responsibility. I asked if this was fair, and the majority said yes.

To continue, I asked them if it’s still the man’s responsibility to be a traditional man if he chooses not to remain in a relationship with you. The answer was that he had to take care of the child regardless of their relationship; not many women said that they would raise the child without the father’s help. (This situation happened here because a woman gave sexual access to a man who was not able/willing to provide her with the relationship she wanted.) I asked if they knew that from the start, and the majority said that they wouldn’t involve themselves with the guy.

I will say that some of the women I spoke with would try with the man and would stay in the relationship simply for the kids. That leads me to ask why most women feel like their relationship is with a roommate. The underlying tone was that the man was not doing what they “wanted,” and they didn’t have an emotional attachment to them. (Emotions were a massive factor in this). I asked how they would fix this, and they said communication, compromise, and split responsibilities (equal). The follow-up question was, so if the man is the perfect traditional husband and you are refusing an ideal traditional wife, what should he do? The majority answer was divorce. (Which was shocking because they just said communication and compromise)

This area was where most of the conversation took place. Lastly, I asked them who in a relationship has to be obedient for the relationship to work. There was some offense to the questions because they construed the term obedience as train-like an animal. They gave me the politically correct answer that both people should be obedient in the relationship. I told them they had to pick one where the majority said that women need to be more obedient in a relationship. With that being said, I asked why most women are not compliant in their relationships. The answer was that they were messing with men that do not deserve their obedience.

3 – Men: What men want in a relationship and family growth is peace, stability, sexual access, and fealty. They want to be in a relationship where roles are simplified. The man provides and protects, and the woman does all the home stuff. I asked men if they believed the positions were equal, and they said yes, I asked the woman if the traditional roles were equal, and the answer was no. That means that women want men to help with the kids’ upbringing and take care of the home. I asked the men if they would do that. The majority said that they would help out. Some men believed it was the woman’s role to take care of all the home stuff alone, besides any strenuous labor like mowing lawns or home repairs.

One of the biggest agreed-upon things men wanted in a relationship from their partner was peace. They didn’t want any drama or arguments when it came to the traditional roles. Men believe that communication is necessary to have a good relationship. They also think that they should have sex whenever they want it, regardless of how the wife is feeling. When I asked women about this, they said it would have to be communicated, not expected. The last major area was that the woman had to remain loyal even if the guy stepped out of the relationship. The reasons the guys gave me for stepping out were split because of no sex in the household or a prospect willing to fulfill his sexual needs. (Of course, women have sexual needs too)

I asked the guys why they cheat; the answer was that men don’t cheat; they just have sex. They went on to say that having sex outside of your bedroom is not cheating because there are no emotions evolved. I asked if a woman could separate her feelings from sex; could she step out and have sex outside of the marriage? The answer was she had to stay loyal because most women have a difficult time separating sex from their emotions. (The number one reason women have sex outside of marriage is because of emotional reasons, i.e., “I feel” or “I think.”) The second reason the men gave me cheating was that the woman was not adding value to his life. I found this interesting, but it made sense. If you take a look back at area two, men think of relationships similar to assets. (Is it a liability or an investment, to which many girls fail to make a man view the relationship as an asset.)

Area 4. Health & Fitness

4 – Women: For women in this area, it was a personal preference for them to be healthy and in shape. I asked them what they think about overweight women, and the majority replied by saying, “All women are beautiful.” I then asked them if they would like a stocky man, and the majority said they wanted their man to be in shape. I asked them about the double standard, and the response was that if a man doesn’t like how a woman looks, he shouldn’t be with her. I then asked about a man who was with a fit woman before the relationship/marriage, and she let herself go. The reply was that it is up to the man to tell his woman that she has to get in shape.

I asked if this area would be a priority if you were in a marriage. They said no, especially if they had kids, since it would be a lot of work and not enough time. I asked if the man had to continue to remain in shape, and they said that they would like for him to continue to be in shape if time allowed. I asked what a man should do if a woman refused to get in shape either in a marriage or relationship. I got mixed answers, but it was leaning on the side that the man had to take some responsibility away from the wife and provide her with a gym membership so that she had time and an avenue to become fit. (I saw that as very reasonable).

4 – Men: This was the second area that men favored. Many men enjoy working out or at least the idea of being in shape. I asked men if health and fitness are necessary to them, and they said yes and should be. I asked if they wanted their partner to be in shape, and they said yes. I asked if it was fair if he was in shape, and she wasn’t; they said no. If they want to have an in-shaped woman, they have to be in shape too. However, some guys use the money to fill in the areas where they are weak, fitness. That is why you might have a rich person who is obese and have women around him.

I did get some answers from guys that didn’t care about their partner being in shape. I asked why; they just said it was a personal preference. If a guy wants the woman to be in shape during the relationship, he should make that evident at the start. Though guys are wired to focus on fitness more than women, it does not mean it will be a requirement that every guy wants their woman to be in shape. Lastly, I asked if being in shape affected their social status; they said yes. I asked, “if their woman were out of shape, would it affect their social status” and the answer was yes, to a point.

Closing:

There are many more questions and areas that need to be discussed about this matter, but that will have to be for another blog. In short, men and women are not biologically equal. That is why we have our sports teams mixed. It would be unfair if men dominated in women’s leagues or vice versa. So the difference between Men Vs. Women have come to the point that we have many differences in how we live, accept, and want out of life. The underlying tone of the human species is that we want to be happy and free. Sometimes relationships do not provide us with the necessities we need. In that case, you should take some time to understand how the other person is thinking. I am sure there will be some discrepancy in how you feel and what you both want to have.

That leads us to the point where someone in the relationship has to make a choice. Someone has to give in to create peace and prosperity. As stated by the ladies, it is the woman’s role to be obedient to her man. That means, ladies, you need to stop messing with these bum guys. All men are dogs, and that is a fact. A note to the men, you have to make sure you do not allow these women to trample over you. If you are unfamiliar with a man’s role, you better invest in yourself and find out how to be a man worth it for a woman. The accountability is on both ends here, but if one party cannot fulfill their role, then the relationship will not work. The one thing to take away from Men VS Women is that each gender must remain accountable for their actions and seek avenues consistently to improve.

In closing, family background and upbringing will play a massive role in developing these areas. Men and women are not equal. Yes, we live in a country where we have equal rights and freedoms, but biologically we are different. If you have found this blog offensive, then that is a good thing! That means you have areas in your life that you should probably work on. I am not in the business of working with people who are complacent where they are. I work with people who are not happy where they are and go after more in their life. I have worked with both men and women who feel this way. That is the first step to change. To notice that you have areas you can grow in is a power many people should realize for themselves. No matter the gender, we can all go after more and a better tomorrow. Whether you choose to do it alone or together, it is essential to know your role and what is expected of you in the relationship.

Additional Resource: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/marry-him-lori-gottlieb/1102022040

(Notice the rating of the book, 3.8. The book has something that women do not want to hear, so they will shun it before finding the truth behind its words. I see the trend, do you?)

Until then,

Michael Rearden

CEO of Reven LLC.