What is needed in many people’s lives right now is change. I see more people than not adopt a mindset that giving less consistently is enough. These people are dangerous to your dreams. At some point in life, you have to ask yourself what you want in life. Then, you have to decide if you want it or just kind of want it. Most people just kind of want it because they make an excuse or give a reason for why they are not operating at their fullest potential. Many people are just waiting for that perfect moment or opportunity that can inherently change their entire life around.  Whether that life change is/isn’t in your control depends on how your mind is structured. If you are placing hope in the future and betting on luck, then I can bet that your mindset has many obstacles stopping you from leading a changed life. In this blog, I want to share with you how I changed my life and the steps I took to get there.

Life-Changing Steps

1. Soul search

2. Tear it down

3. Choose what you want to have in your life

4. Cultivate inner Self

5. Take action

A changed life is one where you are in control of what happens. Though you cannot control what happens in the world, you can be in control of what happens in any given situation you are in. Imagine you are heading to work one day. While stopped at a red light, the car behind you hits your bumper. There is not much damage, but there is a noticeable mark on your bumper from the other car. In this situation, you have two options. Those are to accept what happened or curse your luck. Acceptance is a powerful tool for growth and positivity because it allows you to take back what you are in control of, and that is your thoughts/feelings/actions. On the other hand, if you choose to curse your luck and think negatively, then your whole day will be thrown off, and you will forfeit the ability to be in full control of your day.

One small incident has the power to change your whole mindset for the day. Even though this was not your fault or in your control, you choose how this will affect you for the rest of your day. That can be said for more things besides a car accident. It could be that you broke up with someone and feel hurt, you lost a job and feel confused about your next step, or you lost a loved one and feel completely lost. There will be days that stress you out beyond belief or throw a curveball that you weren’t expecting, but those moments will be the best opportunities to find your strength. Regardless of what goes on in your days, you have the power to enact the change you want for your life. I want to teach you how to choose positive over negative and peace over war in any situation so that you can mold life to be exactly what you want it to be.

The first step in creating a changed life is to Soul Search. To soul search – means to find what makes you feel good. I use the word good loosely because many things in the world can make you feel good, like sugar, drugs, and alcohol. Those types of goods can become destructive and should be avoided. Good, in this instance, means to find what feels right to you. Me, I had to do some soul-searching to find what was good for me. I notice that people tend to get into habits and routines that make them feel comfortable, and that is a false sense of feeling good. They might get good grades, be loved by everyone, and have plenty of money, but their soul is not fulfilled. They have all these wonderful things in their life, but they do not feel complete. If you ever feel that you are unhappy, complacent, lost, or unmotivated, then there is a good chance that what you need to focus on is feeding the soul.

I remember there was a time in college when my brother came into my room. I think I was practicing guitar or doing homework when he interrupted my night. He came into my room wanting me to watch a movie with him, and I told him no. At the time, I was not interested in any movie he wanted me to watch because I had an agenda for the night, and it wasn’t watching any movie with my brother. He then asks me the question, “Are you happy?” I was a bit shocked when he asked me that because I think it was the first time in my life anyone had asked me that question. I thought for a second and replied yes. I told him I had everything I wanted and could get whatever I needed, so I think I was happy. He then asks me again, “But are you happy?” At this point, I’m ready to kick him out of my room because he is annoying and wants me to watch a movie with him. I asked him what the name of the movie was, and he said Peaceful Warrior (I think I replied with something like, I do not want to watch a fighting movie.) He then made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. He said, “If you watch this one movie with me, then I will never ask you to watch another movie again.” I took him up on his offer.

After the movie, I had many thoughts running through my mind. I started to second guess all the things I have done and will do in my life. Was I truly happy and living life the way I was supposed to be living it? After some deep soul-searching, I concluded that I was not happy with the life I had. I was not happy with the relationships I kept or the way my days were structured. Though I was a hard worker every day, I was missing a crucial part of life. I somehow let life become unimportant and chose to see what I wanted instead of what was there. I missed out on all the beauty the world had to offer and replaced those moments with what was going on in my life. I was the focus of the universe, and that did not make me happy.

What I chose to do to fix this state of mind was to learn how to focus and meditate. I began to go on more hikes, do yoga, and read. I learned how to find what my soul has been yearning for through that process. Change in your life can come at the most random times, even when you do not feel like you want it. Just like how my brother presented me with a movie I wanted nothing to do with was enough to help me realize how many opportunities I was skipping because of my ideals. After soul-searching for many years, I have learned how to find those moments and embrace them. I have learned how to meditate in any environment and find my center through any chaos. For me, this step was the starting part of how my life changed for the better.

The second step is to Tear it Down. In the first step, you learn to find what your soul wants out of life, but in this step, you have to do the work to make that a reality. It took just a few weeks for me to determine what I needed to do. Once I had that figured out, I had to start the deconstruction of my life so one day I could rebuild it into one I would be proud of. I had to tear down the life I created and go all the way down to rock bottom. I will tell you that this did not feel good. I was lost and confused, and tomorrow didn’t seem any better because I had no clue. I had no mentor, coach, or teacher to guide me through this unknown process. I felt hopeless and alone and unsure that I would ever feel good again. However, what I kept with me was a belief that I could find the way. That one day, I could find my meaning and purpose in my life. To do that, I had to give up my old mindset and create a new one.

The mindset I had to tear down was filled with lies and pillow dreams that would not satisfy what I wanted out of my life. I had to learn how to create my current mindset of positivity and growth from scratch. I had to get rid of friends, family, and ways of life that would not serve me in the future years. I secluded myself to build the empire I had in my mind. Through trial and error, I was able to build and tear down the areas of my life until I was satisfied with how they turned out. The only thing I allowed to remain permanent was my mindset and my optimistic point of view about life. Learning to tear down the things in your life that do not offer the support you need for future growth needs to be replaced with things that will. Tear it all down if you have to and build a life that is strong and impregnable.

I have found rock bottom to be the best place to build a strong foundation for your life. Even though you have to lose all you have built up until now, with all your knowledge and wisdom, you can build a stronger life each time you rebuild. Just like a broken bone that becomes stronger in the area of the break broke, so does your life when you rebuild it. Do not be afraid of starting from scratch or failing again. Starting over or after failure means that you are just one step closer to your success. You have gained life experience from having to start again and have learned from your mistakes so that they can be avoided in the future.

The third step is to Choose what you want to have in your life. For me, what I chose to have in my life was positive friends/family, a job I loved, and activities that helped rejuvenate my mind. I knew that having this in my life would one day make my dreams turn into reality. Though my dreams have constantly grown and evolved over the years, I can tell you that what you choose to keep in your life makes a huge difference. If I had kept any of those negative people or situations in my life, then I would be in a different place than where I am today. I have created a life where anything I dream of can be my reality, and this was done by choosing what was around me.

Who and what you keep in your life will be a reflection of you. Denzel Washington was one of the many people to share this quote on the importance of who you allow in your life. He said,

“If you hang around five confident people, you will be the 6th.

If you hang around five intelligent people, you will be the 6th.

If you hang around five millionaires, you will be the 6th.

If you hang around five idiots, you will be the 6th.”

This quote and these words can go on to represent anything positive or negative. The importance of this quote and step three is that changing your life depends on the people/environment around you. Though, it is still possible to have all the pieces to the puzzle and still not finish. It becomes in your favor when you start to do and apply the things that can have the greatest impact on your life. Just like how if you surround yourself with positivity and belief, then eventually those ideals will encompass your life. Be sure that the things you keep after reconstruction will help you further build the change you seek in life. You do not need to risk going back to rock bottom because the company you keep does not have the same intentions for your life. Keep the people who want to see you succeed and grow and distance yourself from all the other negativities that will not serve you.

The fourth step is to Cultivate your inner self. In this step, you have many options to enhance yourself. I chose to use yoga, Zen meditation/stories, books, movies, and hikes to pursue a stronger and better inner self. Your inner self is a collaboration of your body, mind, and soul.  This affects how you feel, think, and act daily. This can also be considered your true character when you are alone. Oftentimes people pretend to be someone they are not to impress people that have no stake in their life. Being in control of your inner self helps to alleviate the unneeded stress of needing to please others because you have learned what you need.

Your inner self has a vital role when it comes to changing your life. That role is to help you identify your constant state of being. Are you a person who loves to speak with people all day or needs to be around friends/family constantly? If you are afraid to be alone, then your inner self might be to blame. Many people do not like it when their world is quiet because it makes them have to focus on themselves. Their negativities and insecurities come out, and you just want to throw them under the rug and forget about them. You put on a movie or re-watch a series so that you are occupied. Learning to sit and be alone in silence with yourself is needed in or to seek change.

The mind tends to wander when you want to focus. You might be at the movies, and before you know it, you are on your phone. What you are doing is trying to engage in tasks that keep you distracted from yourself. Learning to understand how and why you feel a certain way can help you make proper choices each day. By this, I mean if you learn how to focus on your inner self in the morning, you can tune into your whole being and determine how much you can accomplish today. Did you wake up tired? What is on your mind? Is there any part of your body in pain? (Etc) Doing that type of reflection on your inner self can set you up for a more focused and planned day. You will know if you need a break or if you need to push yourself that day.

The last step (fifth step) is to Take action. I have written many blogs in the past about the different types of actions you can/should take. Action in the sense of changing your life is to do the work. By doing the work, you are making progress toward the change you seek. If you think about the change, it will not come. You have to take the correct actions to get the outcome you desire. Those actions could simply be meditating, writing in a journal, reading, speaking with a mentor, eating healthily, going to the gym, etc. This step is the step I find that many people procrastinate on and put off until a later date. The thing about taking proper action is that it happens quickly without any procrastination.

If you are in a bad place in life, what do you do? Many people stay right where they are. They complain about how life is hard or give up without even trying. These people become helpless and cannot take any action, let alone come up with a plan to feel and be better. These people might suffer from depression, anxiety, and alcoholism and have learned a dependent behavior that will continue to harm them for as long as they hold onto it. If you have a negative mind or trait, then you have to tear it down and make sure you do not repeat those actions. I find it helpful to write down a list of your actions from morning to night for a typical week. Many of those actions are habits like coming home and sitting on the sofa. When you have written them down, you now have a template of your week that can help you see if the actions you are taking will lead to change.

That template of your actions will help you to see how you spend your time and the outcome of your days. For example, if you go to happy hour every Friday with your best friend and sleep in late on Saturday because you are tired or hungover. Now, you should ask yourself if that night out made you a better person. What if I told you to skip that night out with your friend and instead wake up early to go out for breakfast with that same person? Your mind will be more focused for the morning, and you will have the whole day ahead of you. You have gained more time and feel energetic for the rest of your day. Your action situation can vary greatly, but what you need to do is define the actions you take as the actions you should be taking. If they are in alignment, then great; if not, then start from step one again with that action in mind to find what you want out of your day and out of life.

In Conclusion, these five steps can start the process of change in your life. Change is not something that happens instantly or overnight. It can take weeks/months/years for that change to take hold finally. You are in charge of your thoughts, feelings, and actions, so make sure that they are a true representation of who you want to be. If you are unhappy where you are, then you can follow these steps to one day be in a better place. Make sure to follow the guide and not be afraid of failure. Learn that failure does not mean the end of the road but rather, another opportunity for success. Create rules and a schedule for yourself to follow and maintain the structure your life needs. Living haphazardly might work for the younger years of life, but eventually, you will have more years behind you than in front of you, and that means you do not have any spare time to waste. How can you make those years the best years? How can you make your time more meaningful? How can changing certain aspects and areas of your life prepare you for the sweetest moments to come? Those answers are yours to find in this process of changing your life.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts