Adversity comes in more forms than we let out to believe. Whether they are problems of race, culture, religion, politics, business, relationships, school, or lifestyles, they can all be identified with unique “problems.” The basic understanding of adversity is a challenge/difficulty/hardship/misfortune that one deals with in life. Knowing that basic knowledge, we are now faced with the reality of what we allow to affect our way of life. Remember, you are the person who is in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Frequently, many of us allow people to have control over the big three(thoughts/feelings/actions) in our life, and it creates disdain for the person. In this month’s Tune-up Series, I want to share how one might overcome any adversity they have or will have in their life.

Step 1: Mindset of Adversity

The Mindset of adversity is that if we are faced with a problem, then it is up to us to figure out a solution. If you do not believe there is a problem, but someone else does, then it is up to the person to figure out the solution. For example, in marriages, there will be one person in the relationship who is not happy. They detest the other person for their ways and habits and proclaim that if their partner did XYZ, then they would be happier. I am not sure where that logic came about in life, but I can assure you it is the wrong way of thinking. If you go through life thinking that all the bad that is in your life is unfair and is taking away from your happiness, then you will have to start to ask yourself some better questions.

When dealing with a mindset that you are the victim and it is someone else’s fault, you have to ask yourself a series of questions:

• The first question you must ask yourself is, “Is this feeling serving me? “

• The second question,  “Is this feeling my truth or a thought I allowed to run a rampage?”

• The third question is, “What would I be if I did not have this type of adversity in my life?”

• The final question is, “What is there to learn from this experience?”

When I walk clients through these steps, I often find that I do not need to go past step one. They come to realize that their difficulty is not as serious as their mind is making it to be. If we allow our brains to ruminate and callus towards a specific person/problem, it can be difficult to get out of it. That is why fresh wounds are best treated instead of ones that have time to heal over. If a cut was not treated from the inception, then it will have to reopen to make sure it is properly disinfected so there is no fear of disease or rot. The mind operates the same way when dealing with adversity. We have to make sure we clean our minds from the idea that we have these troubles in our life.

If you find yourself hardened and resilient because of past misfortunes, then it is time to let go. I believe we learn from failures, and they become some of the best lessons we will have in life. However, when dealing with adversity, the lessons learned are different than personal mistakes alone. We have become a society that is easy to quit when the going gets tough. We are quick to play the victim and look for excuses. Instead, we have to find solutions for the troubles we face. We must fortify our minds to go against the adversities that come to us. We cannot allow our minds to become limited because of hardships/difficulties/challenges.

Step 2: Resolving Adversity

To get over adversity, you must be able to know the issue and be able to come up with a solution. Nowadays, when people come up with solutions to all their troubles, it is one done in selfishness. People do what is best for them, and in turn, they may make life more difficult for the people around them. This can be a tricky situation if you are dealing with someone self-centered. The fix is to be in control of the big three and not concern yourself with others because it is not your job to change them. The end goal is that you should feel like you have not been cheated. In a group situation or dynamic like the workplace, it is important to find common ground. You will find it difficult to make everyone happy, but remember, their happiness is not your concern. However, your character and the golden rule should be in effect.

The golden rule states to treat others how you would want to be treated. Well, I believe this is a nice idea, but too many people take advantage of this. Some people will not care about how you feel. In a situation like this, you must make sure you are doing what is best for you. You also want to make sure that what the other person is doing will not affect you directly. I like to think of this as damage mitigation. The damage has been done or will be done, so it is important to limit the negatives that will come from the situation.

Though this is not the most ideal situation to be in, you must not stay in that spot in life if you find that you are constantly upset about what someone else has done to you or in your life. If you find yourself constantly fighting recurring problems, then it could benefit you to get out of that situation. If you are having a problem in your mind, then you may benefit from coaching. There is no reason to come face-to-face with adversity and run away every time. You were meant to be powerful, and you can solve all of life’s problems if you put your mind up to the task.

Step 3: Combating Adversity

Though we briefly spoke about resolving adversity in step two, this step will be a step-by-step guide to combat adversity head-on. I find that the best way to combat adversity is by counting the blessings in our life. This has no religious connotation behind it but rather looks at how lucky we are to live the life we have. The purpose of these following steps is to make your mind realize that your problems are only a problem to you. That means if you can learn to let go of what you think you should be feeling and instead go after feelings that will serve you, then you will find that there is no challenge you cannot overcome.

Guide to overcoming adversity

1. Did you wake up this morning? (Or whenever you last slept and woke up)

2. Do you have a roof over your head?

3. Do you have clothes to wear

4. Do you have food to eat and/or water to drink?

5. Do you have some money in your life? (even a penny counts)

6. Do you have a job?

7. Do you have a means of transportation?

8. Do you have a family support system?

9. Do you have the ability to make choices?

These nine steps are short and quick to be able to count your blessings. I want you to understand that there are people on this earth that will only be able to answer one of those questions with a yes. If you can imagine how it would be to live life in their shoes, then maybe you can start to appreciate the little struggles you must deal with each day. Some peoples’ last days are upon them or are over. We have a chance and the opportunity not to allow any sort of bitterness to engulf the mind. We can combat all our problems with an appreciation for what we have instead of focusing on what we do not.

What these nine steps truly depict is the opportunity to overcome any challenge. If you are breathing, then you can enact the change you want for your life. If you are breathing, you can find solutions to problems. If you are alive, you can create a life that is joyous and not filled with the burdens of petty struggles. Understanding that you have time right now is your greatest weapon when adversity rears its face in your life (Bonus if you have more than one of these steps). You cannot be afraid to work hard through your challenges in life. Those challenges may be rough to deal with right now, but being able to overcome them will make you better.

Step 4: Living with Adversity

Life will have its problems, and it should be lived wholly. There is nothing you can do to avoid all the problems in life. Even if you had an abundance of wealth, problems would still find their way to you. It is one of the inevitable things in life we all must face. I believe that with every problem, there can be a solution. Even though there is a solution for all the challenges you will encounter, some problems will always be a problem. I find this with people thinking that other people can make them happy. I have to drill it in people’s heads that happiness is not dependent on another person or contingency. Happiness is what you will let it be.

If you live in the western world, you are blessed with more opportunities than in other parts of the world. It baffles me that many people do not take advantage of those opportunities, but I understand why. The reason is that the challenge/hardship is too great for the person to want to overcome. I am not saying that they cannot overcome those challenges. I am saying that they are choosing to allow a problem to beat them into submission. What comes after that can be a range of negative thoughts and actions. Giving up or calling it quits will be the easiest thing you can do in life. I will tell you that nothing worth having comes easy.

My job is not to change people but rather help those who want to live a more fulfilled life. Through adversity, we can start to take a look at our life and determine what we want out of life. Do you want to continue to live in a rat race or get out of that lifestyle and live life in abundance? You have to stop believing in stereotypes and limiting factors that will not serve you. You can grow from the adversity you face in your life. The only thing you have to do is open your eyes and stop walking aimlessly into your future.

Step 5: Growing from Adversity

I am a firm believer that our failures can be our greatest teachers in life. Adversity acts as the stepping stone to getting us to the next level. You cannot climb a staircase without taking the steps that lead to the top. I believe that is what adversity shows us. Those steps are the stepping blocks that will get us to our goals. I find that if someone trips or falls down those stairs, they become timid and afraid to try again. Even though the greatest is at the top of the staircase, people are not willing to step past the face of adversity and rise to the challenge. With each step, you take in life and past adversity, you gain a better view of all that is around you.

Growth from adversity does not only come from rising from your challenges. When you overcome any obstacle in your life, you gain two things. The first is that you gain a stronger foundation to build upon. The second is that you gain an understanding that any challenge you face can be overcome. If you have money woes right now and you make a conscious effort to end those troubles, then it will be only a matter of action before your troubles are gone. I find that many people worry or complain about something and then do nothing about it. I think people just like to complain and play the victim. I do not see where any growth can come from that thinking.

To grow from adversity, you must be willing to get out of your comfort zone. You have to stop letting habits take control of the reins of your life. You have to be the one who determines what will and will not be attained. If you hit a wall in life, then take some time to meditate and find a solution. If you are still having difficulties, then hire a coach to help you out and get past your challenges. Any hardship you can grow from will help you to be better for tomorrow. Remember that if you are going through a challenge right now, it is your choice to be strengthened or weakened by it. Choose strength!

 Step 6: Learning from Adversity

Now that we have an understanding of adversity in our life, we can start to learn from our experiences. We can learn that in any given situation, we choose how to feel and act. We can learn a lesson from almost any situation, and that is where the best learning will come from. We do not learn most from our successes but rather from our failures. If you can remember that, then you can start to push past any defeat. It is ok to fall, but it is not ok to stay down. You have to get back up as quickly as you can. If you feel that you cannot get back up, then it is time to seek assistance. Sometimes a boost in the right direction is all you need to start living the life of your dreams.

What I have learned most from adversity is that they are there for a reason. If I did not have the challenges/struggles in my life, I would not be the man I am today. I guess there could be an argument I would be in a better place if I didn’t fall from the top of the staircase, but the lessons I learned because of my falls are invaluable to me. Just like when a broken bone heals, it is stronger at the fracture point when healed. I find that to be true after healing from the wounds of failure. I have learned they make me stronger and more fearless in my endeavors because once I have experienced that type of pain and lived through it, I know I can live through it again. Learn to fortify your mindset through adversity, and you will learn that you can be unstoppable in life.

In closing, there is no size fit all fix when dealing with adversity. What might be a challenge for you may not be a challenge for someone else. The good news is that it is not your job to be concerned about what other people are doing with their life. I help people who want to help themselves become stronger. Remember, you are the person who has to live with yourself each day. If you cannot be happy in the life you are living, then it might be time to change how you are living. The struggles you face will introduce you to your inner strength and uncover your latent potential. There is no challenge that you cannot overcome, so let today be the day you choose to overcome the odds and rise to the top.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

CEO of Reven LLC.