When it comes to encouragement, there is not just one way to get there. You can receive encouragement from somebody, and that will feel completely different than if you were to encourage yourself. The difference is in the permeation of the words/purpose of the encouragement. When someone encourages you, those words move you to action. However, with the world being as chaotic as it is, those words can become clouded, and we can lose focus. However, if we encourage ourselves, it feels to be more secure because we are in charge of that encouragement. You are in charge of that encouragement. You must decide if it will help you to rise or remain where you are. We all have great strength/potential within us. Sometimes, it can be hard to find that strength and allow it to manifest into something wonderful. In this month’s T-U-S, I want to break down the types of encouragement in your life so that you can unlock the best version of yourself.

Type 1: Encouragement from others

The encouragement received from others will be a powerful tool in your development. If you take a look back at your childhood, it was filled with this type of encouragement. From the moment you started to take your first steps, those words of encouragement were one of the primary fuels behind your actions. Along with curiosity and the development phase, encouragement took a lead role that helped you get where you are today. This type of encouragement is typically filled by your parents, guardians, or caregivers. As a child, we are dependent on others to take care of us because we are unable to do it for ourselves. As we grow and develop, that role is not needed as much, and we lose that type of encouragement.

The people who raise us will always have a place for us in their hearts. However, it is a part of the process that the encouragement they gave us would have to evolve one day into our own. Now that you can walk/talk, you are motivated to do something with your life. You are brought to dance school, karate, swimming, music lessons, etc. Learning and growing are ever prevalent while growing up. If we are introduced to all these wonderful things at such a young age, why is it that when we are adults, we seek less of them? The simple answer is that the encouragement has gone away. Along with understanding your likes and dislikes, you make the choice of what you want in your life.

You have become the ruler of your own destiny. Your mom and dad are no longer required to tell you that you need to learn a second language or get in shape. Even if you do have this in your life, you will most likely treat their words as a nuisance. Though you may want to have great things in your life, you are unable to open up because you have become closed off. You have stopped that outside encouragement from entering your life. What was once prevalent is no longer present. This is the natural phase of development in effect. Though those phases list what is going on in your mind and body, it is up to you to decide what you can and will believe. That leaves us to relearn how to use the encouragement we receive from others properly.

To properly use encouragement from others, you must have goals. Those goals will give you a sense of purpose when someone is encouraging you to reach them. Perhaps you want to learn a language, and you have a friend encouraging you to speak the language to them. They are giving you purpose and accountability all in one. Having someone encourage you is like having someone cheer you on to the finish line. They want it just as bad as you want it in most cases. That is the power of encouragement. No matter if you are filled with doubt, fear, and uncertainty, you can accomplish any task with the right motivation. You want to start to fill your life with people who are going to encourage you to be better each day. You want people who will lift you more than they knock you down. You need those types of positive people in your life.

Finding that person who will encourage you can be challenging, but it is not impossible. It doesn’t matter if the person is related by blood or not. What matters is that they have your best interest in mind. Also, they are aware of your limitations and struggles, so they can guide you through those hurdles in your life without being critical and demanding. Encouragement should be filled with care, passion, and understanding. All of these are the recipe for positive encouragement. This is what I offer each of my clients. I do my best to understand them and push when I know they can be pushed and let them rest when they need to recoup. The dance of encouragement is not as simple as me saying, “you can do it!”. Sometimes encouragement is a slow process. Be sure to have patience with them and yourself because your most desired life will not be built in a day.

Type 2: Encouragement from you

Learning to encourage yourself will take the search out of finding the right person for the job. It can be difficult to find people who have your best interest in mind. That means you have to learn to be the person who gives yourself an endless amount of encouragement. You might not know where to begin, but that is the easy part. You have to have hope, and you have to believe what you are going after can be yours. Tell your fits of depression to take a break from controlling your life and make the change. Make a change for a better tomorrow because you deserve it. Make the change because you are tired of the cards life has been giving you. Make the change because it has always been your destiny to be more than you are right now.

You have to understand that you are the person who will get you to your dreams. You have to take action and learn how to motivate yourself each day. Giving up is the easy part; staying in the game and fighting for what you want is the sweetest part of life. This moment is called living! I want you to feel those moments fully because you will one day come to cherish them for who they helped you become. So no matter how many or difficult those challenges are in your life, you can get through them. I can assure you that they are worth it. They will only make you stronger or better equipped for the next part of your journey.

There are a few things I do to keep encouragement flowing in my life. The first is I have simplified my life as much as I could. I do not let trivial matters take my energy and focus away. This allows me to divert that energy and put it towards motivating and encouraging myself to be better. The second thing I do is mix it up. Mixing it up helps me negate stagnancy in my life. Whether it be in the gym, relationships, or work life. What I have done is create a schedule/routine that determines every hour of my day, seven days a week. My schedule tells me the things I can do, with a few alternatives if needed. The way this has helped me is to stay focused on my goals. My dreams will not become a reality because I wish them to. That is my responsibility to make them come to life. I am well aware of who I am and when to push, and when to back off. You will have to do the same for yourself. However, do not let your mind trick you by telling you that you are at your limits. When your brain tells you that, then know this, you have more to give.

It is important to understand the good and bad that can come with encouraging yourself. Perhaps you have set a rigorous schedule, and you are determined to get everything done. This is good, but the key to life is balance. You should be able to balance work and play to some extent. There will be times in your life when you will have to work to keep the lights on, but that won’t be the case forever. You have to enjoy the slow times and appreciate the busy days. Both will help to encourage you to be more each day. Whether it be to be a better worker or a better partner, there is a balance in all of life. This is what it is to encourage yourself, the balance from pushing to resting.

The Focus

What you decide to get or have in your life is up to you. If you are in a place where you don’t want to be, then it is up to you to change that reality. There is no amount of motivational videos that will get you out of there without effort from yourself. No coach or therapist can change your mind for you. Though we can help guide you in the direction you seek, the choice of change is dependent on you.  You have to decide to be better and do better for yourself. You have to find the things you love and have an interest in and use that as a source of encouragement/motivation. The life you dream of can be yours. You just have to put the proper actions.

Learning to encourage yourself is not as easy as saying you will do it. Think of how many people start the new year wanting to get in shape. By March, they have long since given up on that goal. The motivation and encouragement wore off. They did not know how to keep going when they dipped to a level of difficulty they were not comfortable with. I will tell you that you have to be uncomfortable to grow. You have to want what you are aiming for more than you want to take a break or stop. Encouraging yourself to keep going and not give in to your lesser self is the key. You have to say no to your negative thoughts and insecurities. They are not what you want in your life, so do not bow down to them and let them rule the rest of your life.

Encouragement is the act of giving support, confidence, and hope. The definition of encouragement defines that it is something “someone” Gives you. I  believe that you do not need anyone to encourage you to do something. I think you can do that alone and without waiting for a certain contingency. Pushing yourself to be better and not give up is self-encouragement, and it can be your greatest asset on the road to success. What you should aim for is to have a handful of people who have your best intentions in life and keep them close. Ignore the rest of the nay-sayers and only listen to what you want to listen to. Fill your life with people who have the same goals/interests in being better. That will manifest into the encouragement you will need to get through each day. Giving everything you have and not holding back is what you should encourage yourself to be.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts