Love is not the only thing you need to have a strong and healthy relationship. However, it is one of the key ingredients to make your relationship stand the test of time. You see, love is something that continually evolves and morphs, so love alone cannot be the glue that keeps people together. So then, what is the secret to relationships that have lasted entire lifetimes? What makes for a strong, positive, and healthy relationship? In this blog, I want to list the main ingredients/formula you need to have a healthy relationship.

There are many factors that go into having a successful relationship. However, you may start off as being the perfect match and both madly in love. You might be a “match made in heaven,” but does that honeymoon phase last? The honeymoon phase was not meant to last forever. It can be the major part of forming and committing to each other, but the rush of endorphins you get from being in a new and unknown relationship wears off eventually. Then what are you left with? The answer is you are left with each other. You are left with two people who will show their true character. Now, whether you decide to commit to the relationship past the first stage depends on how you navigate through new problems and life changes.

How can we navigate to having a healthy relationship? In order to have a strong and healthy relationship, you have to have more than love. Love alone cannot keep people together. I have loved and lost and have loved and let go, and I realized that a relationship needs many things in order to flourish. Just like there are formulas for getting healthy, there has also to be one to have a healthy relationship. The formula is an accumulation of all the things that make a good relationship. This formula is unique because the variables in the equation(relationship) are individuals.

The formula to have a strong and healthy relationship is M+Y=U. What type of blog did you just step into? You were not expecting to be hit with a math blog and sent back to your schooling day, but hear me out first. The M in the formula is you(so it translates to “Me”), the Y in the formula is You(Translates to your partner), and the U in the formula represents Us(You and your partner together, considered as one). Now, let’s take a step away from conventional math because in a relationship, there is no longer just one person (1+1=2). There has to be a union of the two in order for them to have the most healthy relationship (1+1=1)

The reason why having the mindset that your relationship is a union(typically considered in marriages) is that a relationship is a bond of two being together. I am not saying that you need another person to live your life to the fullest. Just that sometimes, the journey we call life can be so much sweeter with some company. That is what a relationship is. Those moments we dream of sharing with the people we hold close. Those moments lead to happiness, which has an influence on having and maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. The traits that make up those types of relationships include love, trust, communication, honesty, etc. These are the spices to your relationship. However, there is one essential trait that every relationship needs. That trait is communication.

Communication is the number one thing that every relationship needs. You might think that love, happiness, trust, or respect are more important to have in a relationship. In a recent survey I conducted – 59% of people said that communication was more important than all the other traits typical of relationships. This includes love and trust, which both received 18%. Communication was the winner of the survey, and I agree with the outcome. Now, before I dive into the importance of communication, I want to talk about love and what it encapsulates.

When people talk about love, they usually talk about a collaboration of traits that makes for a good relationship. Though we know love is important because it embodies many things like trust, respect, caring, compromise, etc. However, love is very unique because when it comes to relationships, people have different meanings or their own definitions of love. I know for a fact my love definition is different than most people’s. When I think of love, the only thing I think about is getting the job done for the sake of someone besides myself. That is my definition of love. There is no mushy romance or flowers at the front door. That is just my mindset. Though I love date nights and buying gifts, it is not what I connotate what love is. I know relationships must have trust, caring for one another, and a growth mindset. Love is just a combo of all those little things. We have to take a look back at the winning formula to create a strong and healthy relationship to understand why communication is the primary ingredient for a healthy relationship.

When you take apart the formula, you have to look at the M+Y sections only. You have to look at your values, beliefs, desires, etc., and see if they match up with your partners. You have to do this through communication. You have to explain your dream, beliefs, and aspirations to your partner. You have to be open about things you like/dislike, can/can’t stand, and what your value in a relationship. When you are done speaking, you should have no ifs and or buts and feel 100% certain. Doubt might want to show its face, but if you can be honest with each other and confide in each other, then you are doing what is needed for your relationship. Now, though we have open communication, conflict can still arise in a relationship. Conflict can actually be very healthy in a relationship if done the right way. That way is through communicating and being open/honest.

Conflict can be a positive or negative form of communication. You can tell your partner how much you hate them and regret meeting them. These are very hurtful words coming from someone you “love.” What would happen if I grew to disdain someone? What would I do to get rid of that negativity in my life? Many people (40-51% actually) decide to separate or get a divorce. I understand that there will be times when separation is a viable solution, but I only recommend that option if you’re rushed into the relationship before you understand the character of the other person. People do not change because you tell them to. People change because they want to, and character is one underlying trait of a person that doesn’t change easily. In a relationship where there is no change or communication then, it will be difficult to have a healthy relationship.

Communication is how to make sure that your relationship remains healthy. Being honest in your communication can save you time and heartache in the future. Many people are afraid to be alone, so they take what is given to them and then try to make the best out of what they have. This is how many people choose to live their life, but you have the choice to choose who and what you want in your life. Being able to communicate what you want in your life and out of your relationship can be the first and last step to creating a strong and healthy relationship.

This is why dating is important. Not only do you get to know another person, but you converse through conversation along the way. The honeymoon phase is filled with great conversation, but somewhere along the line, that communication is lost. Now without knowing what the other is doing, feeling, etc., you cannot navigate through life together. Again, I am not saying you need to ask for permission or tell someone your every move. It is more of a common courtesy to share and update your partner on what is going on within you(your thoughts, feelings, and actions). Doing this brings you closer over time.

There may be times when you do not see eye to eye and question your relationship. You might both even agree to separate after some conversation, but your relationship has to have a foundation, and that foundation cannot be love alone. You will know in the early phases of laying down your foundation if you want to build your house upon it. You might like what you see and decide to have faith and build your house while the foundation is still setting. This is a toss of the dice when jumping into a relationship. Time will show the true colors of a person. Their character will come out one day if they have been hiding it. In order to find the right person is another blog, but you need to start and end with communication.

In order to have a healthy relationship, you have to rely on more than love alone. Though love is important to have and cultivate in your relationship, you must remember that communication is key. You have to be able to share and tell your partner what is going on. If you didn’t like something they did, then communicate with them. If you feel bad for something you did, then communicate with them. You must create harmony in your relationship with all the things you want to have in your relationship. You have to work together to make a love that will last. You have to be a team and communicate to set yourself up for the win.

In closing, communication is what makes for a strong and healthy relationship. To be an effective communicator to your partner, you must be open and willing to speak on what is going on in your variable of the equation. Your “Us”/answer part of that equation should be something that you both can agree on. How you get to the answer might be different, but the answer is not. Being able to communicate and navigate through life can be a challenge, but if you value the person, then there should be nothing you would not do for them. You have to tell them how you feel even if it might be difficult. Being in a relationship that you regret or constantly think negatively about will not serve you. So today, sit down with your partner and lay it all down. Let communication be the bridge that brings you both together and able to form and maintain a healthy relationship.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts