We live in a society where many people are attached to unnecessary things. For example, cell phones used to be a commodity, and now they are a “necessity.” Now, you can’t walk a mile without seeing a person glued to their cell phone. The same can be true about material things like branded clothing, new car models, and luxury-style houses. People need to have the latest and greatest to fit in, no matter the cost. Society has become attached to all it encompasses. That attachment has anchored the lives of many who are addicted to shopping, social media, and fitting in. Though none of these are harmful or “bad,” it creates a way of thinking that can slow down your progress in life. In this week’s blog, I want to touch base on the many attachments we have in our lives and how to moderate what we allow to control us.

One of the biggest attachments that our society currently has is the cellphone. You cannot walk into a store, restaurant, etc., without seeing one of these cell phones. I will admit that cell phones make life much more fluent in the means of communication. For example, I can be away from the office and still receive client calls. I can work remotely and use services like Skype and Zoom to have virtual face-to-face interaction. Technology has made wonderful strides when it comes to bridging the gaps of the distance between people and making it possible to stay in touch. That is the main reason why I have a cell phone. However, cell phones have evolved into a device that impedes progress toward your best self.

The cell phone has become a workday activity and a huge time usurper in our day. Take some time right now to think about how much you use your phone each day. Do you wake up and have the urge to grab your phone? Is social media or responding to missed emails/calls/text messages the first priority of your day? If so, you may have a severe problem with your hands. The reason for this is that the morning time should be a time for you to focus on what you want to accomplish for the day. If you are a person who plans your tomorrow the night before, then your morning should be focused on doing what you have planned for the day. The reason many people have shifted away from the importance of their morning is that they are afraid of missing out, aka. Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO).

That attachment of needing to stay connected, entertained, and “busy are the reasons why many have not reached their fullest potential yet. If you find yourself spending eight hours on the phone each day, then you might have a problem. The cool thing about smartphones now is that you can go into settings and see the usage of your phone. The phone will tell you how long you have been on social media, youtube, browsing, etc. So the next time you say you have no time for something, I want you to go into that setting and see how much time you wasted on your phone. You are the reason why you are not where you should be in your life.

Though cell phones have become a significant piece of technology in our lives, I created rules to help moderate negative time consumption on them. The first way I curbed my cell phone usage was to create a rule that I would not go on social media until noon. I created that rule in college and it helped me focus on my morning routine like going to the gym, eating healthy, school, and working if I had it. The second way I limit my phone time is not to use it while I am eating or at the dinner table. This is helpful if you have children and want to keep family time sacred. The third way I limit my phone usage is I have a set time my phone can ring. It is the Do Not Disturb feature on most cell phones and can be programmed for the times you do not want to be bothered. The fourth way I limit phone usage is to not rely on it for business-related tasks. I use my phone for emails, social media, and contacting clients if I am away from my computer, but I typically have my laptop with me when I leave the house. The fifth way I limit my phone consumption is to focus on my surroundings, i.e., the road, nature, etc. when I leave the house or workplace. I don’t text and drive or even do many phone calls on the road. I use the time away from the house/office to listen to podcasts and books that help me grow and become better. Lastly, I do not allow phone usage in the bedroom. I am at the point where I can leave my phone in another room because it serves me no purpose in the bedroom. If you use your phone for an alarm, that is fine if you can avoid using it. However, if you cannot, then it is time to buy an alarm clock.

You can create rules like I have to limit phone consumption in your household if it becomes a problem. FOMO is something that must have developed over the years and has no place in your life. That type of attachment of being in the know continually serves your little purpose. We are not keeping up with the Kardashians, so we should focus on what our life entails. Though the cell phone is a useful piece of technology, it shouldn’t interfere with our life. It shouldn’t serve as a device to distract us from our problems and give us a false sense of content. If you find yourself looking at your phone more than you look inward at yourself, then it’s time to start to un-attach from it.

The second area of attachment is material belongings. Cell phones can also be placed in the category, but only in the sense that you need the newest phone available to stay “up to date.” The attachment of material belongings comes in many forms, such as clothes/shoes, cars, houses, beauty products, food, etc. If you find yourself saying you want rather than you need, then you have an unhealthy attachment to material possessions. Now, if you are thinking that you can just say you need something instead of wanting it, I want you to try this out. The next time you want/need something; I want you to wait a week before you get it. Are you still alive? If yes, then you didn’t need it. If not, then you would have gotten it before the seventh day reached.

Our current society is wrapped in the idea that we need it now, and we need it to live. Just think about your closet for a minute. How many outfits do you have that you haven’t worn in years? Perhaps you have clothes with the purchase tag still attached? The truth is that many of us have outfits that we do not wear enough to justify having them take up space in our closets. The same is true for our minds. We cannot allow material desires to take up space in our minds when we can make room for things we will use frequently. People constantly go out to get things they cannot afford and do not need. They would rather be in debt than be happy with what they have right now. The easiest way to stop that cycle in your life is to eliminate the desire for wanting.

The desire for wanting is a way that you try to fill a gap that isn’t there. You think that the desire for another pair of shoes or a car will make your life better. The truth is it will not make your life any better than the last thing you purchased. I call this the shiny period. The shiny period is temporary and will eventually fade. Things get old/outdated, and you see ads for the newer versions or different brands and suddenly have the urge to get that. Well, that urge is a learned behavior that says, if you get that item, you will be happy. Happiness is not in material possessions, but often that is where people place their happiness. No amount of material possessions will make you happy. You might have the initial surge of dopamine in the shiny period, but it will fade eventually until you get your next fix.

What you have is so much more than others have. You have a roof over your head, food to eat, clothes on your back, shoes on your feet, a phone in your pocket, etc. Just imagine the person who doesn’t have any of those luxuries. The person who wishes for a pair of socks and shoes because they are using plastic bags as footwear. The person who has to eat out of the garbage because they cannot afford food to eat. The person who wishes for a roof over their head to get out of the rain, snow, and hot summer days. You are blessed more than you can imagine. Oftentimes, people forget what they have and desire more. Well, the life you have right now, I am sure someone wishes for that life. That is their perfect life with no further desire than what you have right now. I am sure they would be satisfied with even less. The point is that living a life where you are attached to material possessions brings no joy. Being attached to material things will only serve as an anchor in your life and keep you stuck.

The last attachment we hold is the attachment to ourselves. We hold on to who we are and stop who we can be. We become attached to our normal and routine ways of living/thinking. That attachment is dangerous because it limits the amount of growth one is able to achieve. I was speaking with a gentleman this morning, and he was talking about the business that he has been in for some time now. He seemed upset that, over the years, his business had not bloomed into one that made him happy. He wanted his business to have more clients and more revenue. I told him he could get that easily, but I also noticed he wanted to stay the same. He was attached to his routine and way of living. He was in a career rat race and was lost in the maze.

I briefly spoke to him about the problem and how to fix it. I told him that his old habits would create the same old results. I told him he had to do something new and should seek help from a mentor or coach to get there. No matter what I said, he treated his time the same way he has over the years. I cannot save someone who is not willing to save themself. Just as you might be struggling in life right now – there is a way out of that struggle. It is up to you to seek the answers and then remedy the areas where you want to see a change in your life. I know firsthand that letting go of yourself to seek a higher self is not a walk in the park. There will be that voice in your head that tells you “what if.” That voice has stopped me more than I’m willing to admit in my early years. Now that I have matured and found what I want in my life, I can change without resistance.

To let go of attachment to oneself, change must happen in their life. Change is something that only the person who seeks it can achieve. For example, you might want your spouse to change, but if they do not want to change, then there is nothing you can do about it. They have to want that change just as bad as you want the change for them. It is their choice to continue the way they are going or seek a change that would benefit their growth in life. The attachment to self is why many marriages, relationships, and career opportunities fall through. A person will not change/compromise unless they can see the benefit for themselves. Sadly, most people are attached to their old selves and are unable to see the benefit that letting go would bring. Change can be scary at first, but if you have a good support system, then change can be a simple process.

In conclusion, attachment to material things or the self can slow down the growth in your life. You can be anywhere you want to be, but you need to focus on your life. Do not allow attachment to steal your focus away. Avoid copious amounts of wants and limit your needs. If you have been going days without being thankful for what you have, then there is no better time than now to start.  Take time to reflect and appreciate what you have. The norm society has set does not need to hold a place in your life. You decide how to utilize your time and focus. Let go of any idea, behavior, or lifestyle that doesn’t promote growth in your life. Un-attach from your old ways and seek new ways that will bring you closer to a balanced life. Remember, joy cannot be obtained from attachment. Let today be the day you un-attach from all the chains that are keeping you down and choose to live a life that brings you the greatest benefits.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

CEO of Reven LLC.