We are creatures of habits and routines. Though having a routine can be a good thing, it can also be a detriment to our progress in life. For example, the goals that we continually put off or procrastinate on completing. That habit of not doing what needs to be done will become a routine. We learn that not completing our most ambitious goals has no consequences for us. That is why many people can put their dreams on hold with no immediate repercussions. That behavior can hinder your progress toward the life you desire. The good news is you can unlearn all those negative behaviors/habits and form new ones that will promote the life you want. In this week’s blog, I want to give you a step-by-step guide to forming the habits that will help you achieve your best life.

Steps

1. Be able to define Good/Bad Behavior/Habits.

2. Choose the behavior/habits that you want to work towards.

3. Create a plan to form better Behavior/Habits.

4. Adjust your new/old learned behavior/habits.

To achieve at the highest level, you have to make sure you do not have anything holding you back. Name a few things that often hold us back our negativities toward ourselves, negative/toxic family/friends/workplace (Relationships) and lack of planning/initiative. These are my three main focuses when I work with new clients. The reason why is that these three areas have a huge impact on our daily life. If one of these areas is out of whack or unbalanced, it can cause a massive roadblock on the road to success. To get rid of that roadblock, these areas must be worked through. That way, there is a set understanding of your boundaries/expectations for each of these major areas.

Our learned behavior is an accumulation of all the things/experiences we have been exposed to in our life. The first seven years of our lives are what many scientists say are the determining factors to how we will end as adults. We learn through our environment, whether good or bad. For example, if your parents smoked cigarettes and drank alcohol around you when you were young, then there is a high probability you will do the same.

Our environment has more effect on us than we realize. That is also why children from low-income families tend to stay poor, and children from rich families do well. You can argue that there are cases on both sides where that is not true. However, I am talking about the majority of the cases. There is a learned behavior when we are young that is a replication of our environments. The good news is that even though our environments influence how we are, we can change. What was learned/formed in our life can be molded differently to the outcome we envision.

Step 1.

The first step is to be able to define what is good and what is bad in your life. Oftentimes we need someone to look into the window of our life and tell us the obvious. You might be in a toxic relationship and not even know it. What you do know is that you are not completely happy with your environment. I see this most in person-to-person relationships. We want something from another person, whether it be love, acceptance, friendships, money, etc. Though we may get that initial desire at first, we get a bunch of things we didn’t sign up for. For example, if you want love from your spouse but they yell and berate you daily. That type of relationship is toxic because the negativities that are pinpointed at you will eventually permeate your mindset and have you believe what they say about you. You will believe that you are what they say you are because you want love, the good. The bad happens when we fail to set boundaries and thus learn helplessness in the situation.

This step is first because you have to start to realize what is good and what is bad for you. The opposite of the example I gave was one filled with love and caring. You can have relationships where people nurture your growth and motivate you to be better each day. That good is something you should want in your life. You can find the good and bad by taking some time out and dissecting the three areas that have the most impact on your life. You may need to seek help from a therapist or life coach to help you find out the truth in those areas. Learning to find what is good/bad in your life is a skill not taught in school or by most parents. This skill is learned through experience and mentorship.

To find what are your good/bad behaviors/habits, you must ask if it serves you. The definition of serve here means to be of some specified use to you. That means the things that benefit you are good, and the things that do not benefit you are bad. I recommend making a list of all the good things and all the bad things in your life. After you have your initial list, separate it into behaviors/habits and “everything else.” Today we are focusing on our learned behaviors/habits only, so label everything on this list if it serves you or doesn’t.

Knowing right from wrong should be your compass when working through this step. If I ask you what your favorite food is, you might have a difficult time coming up with an answer. However, if I asked you what food you do not like, you could come up with an answer more readily (well, at least for me). If we take that focus on what we do not like and then focus on what we like, then we can find out what we want out of life. We can have an understanding of what gives us those positive feelings and what brings us any negative ones. Being able to differentiate what is good/bad is the first step to adjusting our learned behavior.

Step 2. 

Now that you have an understanding of the different types of behaviors, you can choose what behaviors you want to focus on. By this step, you should have your list complete of your current learned behaviors/habits. This is where you can determine what learned behaviors you want to keep or which behaviors you want to add to your lifestyle. For example, if you find yourself to be a procrastinator and you do not like that learned behavior, then you can work on being prompt instead. You want to start to focus on the good and give yourself behaviors/habits that will fill you with positivity, courage, and hope.

I spend a good amount of time with my clients on this step because oftentimes, they have never thought about the habits that will lead them to the life they want. Most people dream of the good life and how nice it would be not to have to worry about money or “being happy.” They have a Stephen Covey approach to their dream by beginning with the end in mind. However, they lack the determination, planning, and work ethic that will help them get there. Thinking about your dreams is the easy part. Putting work and effort towards achieving them is where many people falter. No dream worth having comes easy. That is why it is important to stack your deck with strong behaviors/habits that will encourage you to reach your dreams.

Step 3.

In this step, you will have to develop a plan to form good behaviors/habits that will help you. This step is something that I individually personalize for every client. It would be rare to find the same two people who share the same circumstances, desires, dislikes, dreams, energy level, upbringing, culture, etc. Many factors play a role when creating a plan that will give someone better behaviors/habits. Today I am going to share with you a basic guide that will get you started, but it will not take the place of working with a coach.

• What do you want to accomplish?

• Why do you want it?

• What has been stopping you?

• What are you willing to give up to have your dream life?

These questions are the basis for what needs to be answered to understand what type of behaviors/habits are needed. There is a reason why you have not reached your dream life yet. Most of the time, the reason is poor behaviors/habits, and the second is a false sense of fear. In this area, you have to first go in a step-by-step order to achieve your goals. After you have those steps written down, you have to write down all the possible outcomes. Once you have the outcome, you need to write down the struggles you will face. For example, if you want to be a doctor, you would have to go to medical school. Going to school can be an issue if you cannot afford the tuition or if you are a single parent with no one to watch your kid(s) while you are away at school. As I said, every situation will be different.

Once you have all of your struggles down, you must begin to brainstorm solutions for your problem. You also have to create contingencies when you start to fall off track. One of the best reasons to have a coach is that they will hold you accountable for reaching your goals. Remember, a coach is not there to be your friend. They are there to get you the life you want. Often people have/had a plan they made for their life. What comes of many plans is that they are not followed or given up on too soon. People abandon their plans for many reasons, but the main reason is that they quit. They gave up before they reached their goal. Giving up is an action that cannot become a learned behavior/habit if you want to achieve your most ambitious life.

Step 4.

Once you have completed the first three steps, then you must adjust to the changes you set forth. You have to reject your old behaviors/habits because they no longer serve you. Now that you have gotten rid of the old, you can focus on the new. That new should be something that will help you get to your goals. It is important to adjust to your new lifestyle because if you do not, then you will not be able to maintain it. For example, if you have poor spending habits and win the lotto. You will not be able to keep your newfound wealth because of your old behaviors/habits. The life you were used to and comfortable with can no longer be in control. You have to take those learned experiences and throw them out.

According to healthline.com, it takes anywhere between 18-254 days to form a habit and an average of 66 days for new behaviors to become automatic. That means after you read this blog, you will be looking at spring break for your new self to take effect. This amount of time is why many people are not able to form the behaviors/habits that will help them achieve their goals. People get stuck in a routine and are not willing to put in the work needed to get out of it. People want easy, and they want good. If it can be easy and good, then anyone will be able to do it. The moment difficulty and work come into play, it acts as a deterrent to reaching your dreams. Well, what needs to happen is you have to adjust your mind to appreciate the hard work to come and all the challenges you will face.

My best advice for you in this step is to create a schedule with all your new behaviors/habits incorporated and follow it to the last letter and number. If you have been in a continual rut, then you have to follow the directions. No matter how easy the goals for your future may seem, you have to follow the blueprint. You do not have to take any shortcuts or days off because the schedule doesn’t permit it. You have to get out of your comfort zone and not let your past behaviors/habits rule your life any longer.

In conclusion, you have the ability today to start to adjust your learned behaviors/habits. If you take some time to follow this guide, you can unlearn what doesn’t serve you and replace it with something that will. You may have had no control over what your environment was like as a child, but now you do. You choose what is and can be in your life. You can choose to remain the same and follow the same lifestyle and routine, or you can switch it up. You can create a new mindset that is focused on attaining your most desired dreams. Adjust your learned behaviors/habits to something good, and watch how your life can change forever.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Ceo of Reven LLC.