The boundaries we set are critical to attaining the life we dream of. A boundary is meant to keep people/ourselves in place by setting the standard for what we will and what we won’t allow in our life. For example, if you do not like to talk behind people’s backs, then you will not allow people who have that tendency in your life. A boundary is a helpful guideline that helps us choose the positive over the negative. Setting boundaries is also helpful when forming the life you want to attain. I have many boundaries set in place, ranging from when I can watch television, cell phone usage, and how I allow people to speak to me. The purpose of those boundaries is not to be too stuck-up or strict but rather to draw a  line(create a standard) that no one, including you, should cross. In this blog, I want to speak about boundaries and how to set them up in your life.

I have many boundaries that I will not allow anyone to cross more than once. The first time they cross, it will be because they did not know that boundary was there. Some examples are no cell phones at the table or no harsh negative language directed at an individual. These boundaries came about because I found what I wanted in my life. Yes, having the phone at the dinner table might not seem like a big deal today, but when that is all the time you have with your family, it should be uninterrupted. That is why I have my cell phone on a strictly limited-use basis. I do my best to use it for work and not let it become a distraction in my life. Perhaps that is an area many people could benefit from by adding a boundary to it.

Boundaries help you to become the person you want to be. You know what feels good and what doesn’t feel good in your life. Do you like to be yelled at, talked down to, or cheated? I know I am not alone when I say that I do not like any of those things. I do my best to speak to people the same way I would want to be spoken to. Sometimes the truth is going to hurt, but I will rather be told the truth than live a life filled with lies and sugarcoating. Those truths will help me be better than I am today. To grow, you must be able to define what you want and don’t in your life. For example, if you want to be financially stable, you have to set boundaries on your living expenses. You should live within or below your means and not try to overextend yourself for the sake of luxury or showboating.

Setting those boundaries can be the solution to many of your problems. There are many examples I could use to explain this, but I want to talk about one of the big ones, relationships. Would you stay with a cheater or someone who doesn’t respect you? Would you allow someone to wreck your finances because they want a life above their means? Would you allow someone to belittle your worth to make them feel superior? Not many people would stand for any of that. However, how many people do this daily? Those people have not set boundaries in their life for what they stand for. Living a life that you are not happy about is your choice. Your life is just an accumulation of the choices you have made thus far, so make choices that will be of benefit to you.

It is important to remember that inaction is also an action. In the scheme of making choices and understanding what you allow and will not allow in your life, you will find a voice inside you that says, “this is not good for me.” That voice will help you determine where in your life boundaries should be set. Another boundary of mine is trying to limit my own initiative.  I get upset when someone says something that “limits” me. I do not need/want anyone to tell me to take a break or go easy. First, they are not me. Second, I will live the life I want, and I do not need anyone else’s opinion or permission. That boundary alone has had a significant boost on my outlook on life. I have become more positive, driven, and focused due to the boundaries I have set. I often shock people when I “blow up” because they crossed a boundary of mine. That is because, at first glance, I come across as a kind/sweet guy, but the second time a boundary is crossed, he is out the window.

There is a simple method for creating the boundaries you need to have in your life, and that is finding what gives you a negative emotional response. That negative response is typically not helpful toward your growth. Those negative thoughts often linger and ruminate in your mind, which creates a poisonous environment for you. The life you should be living should feel good and fresh. You should not feel like you have to go out of your way to please others or hold your tongue. You have to speak your mind and go after what you want. That might mean limiting happy hour with co-workers because after a night out with them, you feel drained and overwhelmed. Taking a step back in any situation will help you to see the truth of what that moment is worth to you.

Many of the moments people hold onto right now may not be of any worth to them in their life. If you find yourself in places or with people you could care less about, then it is time to limit those types of moments. Limits are good, but they are best when you set them with a goal in mind. For example, the reason you do not like going out to the bar with friends is that the next day you feel sick and end up wasting the better part of the day away. Instead, what you would rather do is relax at home or go with a small group of friends to a museum/art gallery. Whatever it is that serves you the most should reflect how you want to feel at the end of it. That thinking helped me become aware of how I spent my time and what things I would no longer allow in my life.

Setting certain boundaries in any area of your life can be beneficial toward your dreams. That is because knowing what you won’t allow in your life is just as important as knowing what you will allow in your life. Boundaries help by letting people know how far they can go. Most people know that a taker will keep on taking until there is nothing left. Do not allow those people to take from you and leave you with nothing but regret. Let them know that they will no longer be able to take from you. That includes time, money, emotions, etc. You can still love those people, but you need to set a boundary to protect yourself from falling victim.  If that line is crossed, there should be clear directions for what you are to do next. For me, if someone purposely crosses a line, then I have learned that that person cannot be trusted and will not remain in my circle for long.

It takes a lot for trust to be rebuilt. If someone is unable to respect my boundaries, then I will not associate myself with them. I love the quote, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fooled me once, I won’t be fooled again.”, because it reminds me not to make the same mistake twice.  There has to be a consequence when someone crosses your boundaries. That may just be simply telling them not to do it again or separating from that person. You might lose that relationship altogether, but if it wasn’t serving you, then only good things will come from ending it. I tend to distance myself from people who cannot adhere to the boundaries I have set for myself. I find that being disrespectful is a quality I do not like to see in anyone. Remember, what you allow in your life will either make you or break you.

In conclusion, the boundaries you set will help you to form the life of your dreams. Setting boundaries helps to keep people in line and you on track. You can apply a boundary for any area in life. I gave some examples in this blog, but they were just the tip of the iceberg. The boundaries you set can go deep and almost feel limitless. Creating those boundaries will help you produce a life you can be proud of. Your happiness is dependent on you, so make sure to protect it from others who want to see you fail. Find the people who want to see you succeed and allow them into your circle. Let today be the day you set the boundaries that will help guide you to your best life yet.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

CEO of Reven LLC.