Emotional development is something we all go through as a child. As a child, we have to learn and work through all these emotions we are experiencing for the first time. It was our parents/guardians who created the foundation on which we structured our thoughts and beliefs. In a sense, we were all once empty shells that took shape by our environment and upbringing. As we progress through life towards adulthood, we can see that once “empty” shell is now filling up. However, now that we are older, we have created our own foundation/belief in how life should be. I wish I could say that we all had wonderful life growing up, but that is not the truth for everyone. Our most crucial years of development were not in our control. This may have stained your mind with negativity. In this blog, I want to break down that shell from when you were young and sever any negatives that may have been developed within you.

Your childhood should have been filled with a positive upbringing that laid out a foundation for you to succeed in life. However, that is not the case for many children growing up in the world. Many grow up in a less-than-ideal situation, and it has caused their hearts/minds to fill with negativity. On the other hand, you may have had a wonderful childhood that was filled with love and hope. Regardless of how you grew up, it was always in your power to work through those emotions that took residence in your shell. If you were young and filled with hate, are you still feeling hate? Did you grow up in a loving household and use that as a foundation to start and share that love with the world around you? Lastly, the quintessential question we all need to ask ourselves is, “Are we happy with the life we have?”.

You cannot choose your parents, but you can choose the perspective on the lessons they teach and show you. There was a study done on how a child learns and develops when they are young. The study found that the first seven years of a child’s life are when they learn how to be a human. Now, of course, they are human, but a child is an empty shell that receives a massive amount of input before any output is given. This includes behavior, cultural beliefs, and language. For example, if a child grew up in a household that spoke Spanish only, then when the child would begin to speak in Spanish. This is because the primary input for speech the child has is that one language. This is true for any language or behavior that goes on in the household.

A child’s shell is filled in by their surrounding stimuli, for better or for worse. This means if a child grows up in a household in which their parents smoke and drink, then there is a higher probability that the child will grow up to do the same. There is one story that comes to mind of two boys growing up in a household with an alcoholic father. This man would drink when he got home each day, and all his negative thoughts, feelings, and actions would be on display for the boys to witness and learn from. This man would drink himself into a coma some nights or beat his wife for whatever reason he felt the need. Now, these behaviors are highly negative and should not belong in any household (especially one with a child learning/mimicking this behavior). This is because the child learns this behavior and may see it as normal and repeat those negative behaviors in their life.

The shell we were given was filled with many things that we may or may not have wanted in our life. Those first seven years of our learning are our base in life. That base is where we build our character and choose how we want to live life. Though we may have had negative experiences in life, that doesn’t mean we cannot oppose what we were shown and live a positive-filled life. I have a story I share with my clients who need to blame the world for all of their sorrows. For the people who blame their parents or the outside world for the life they have. This story shows that what you see and learn from a situation is up to your perspective.

-The story is about two young boys who grew up in a less-than-ideal situation. The boys grew up in a household where the mother would stay at home to take care of the kids while the father went to work during the day. When the father reached home each night, he would drink heavily. It was evident to the children that their father was an alcoholic. The father would drink himself into a coma most nights, and if he were awake, he would wreak havoc in the household. He would scream, shout, and even go as far as to cause harm to his wife and kids. The boys grew up seeing their father do these negative acts and learned from them in some way.

Years go by, and the boys are now grown and have their own families. One boy was just like his father. He would drink every day and beat his wife. When asked why he was like this, he responded that he watched his father. On the other hand, the other boy grew up to have a happy marriage and chose a life of sobriety. He was also asked the reason for this choice, and he responded, “I watched my father.” Both boys had the same father and experience, but each saw what was going on in a different light. One boy learned how to be like his father, while the other boy learned how not to be like his father. So why did one boy not turn out like his father? The answer is he did not like what was in his shell and choice to change it.

A negative experience can shape you for the better or the worst. If you grew up in a rough place, then it is up to you to decide if you will be rough too. I grew up in the ghetto and a not-so-nice neighborhood, but I did not allow that environment to change me. Though some influences might have taken hold of me while I was growing up and learning how to be a man, I learned for myself what I wanted in my life. I knew what I wanted, and it was up to me to go get it. If there were blame to give, then it would be on me. I was not looking for a scapegoat for my actions. I was looking for honesty within myself to see what I was filled with. Was I filled with good thoughts and intentions, or was I filled with hate for others and the world? Being able to take a look at how you grew up is the first step, but then looking at who you are now as an adult is the final phase.

Your character is what your shell will eventually one day be filled with. Do you have good intentions? When faced with something you see as wrong/corrupt, do you proceed? Your character is who you are underneath all the armor you put on to keep yourself safe. The true center of your shell should not need to be guarded, but in this divided world, it could be a better choice to do what is best for you and your family. You do not have to make anyone happy or like you because what matters the most each day is to strive to be the best you can be. You can be all that you can dream of with hard work and dedication. Though your shell might not be as polished and structured the way you want, you have the ability to make the changes you see fit.

What you have on the inside is up to you to change or keep. There should be no reason why as an adult, you should allow any outside stimulus to take control of who you are. All this hate for other cultures and people serves no place in the world. There is nothing to gain from hating a group of people. Even if you have different values, you have to look at your character and what you want in your life so you can enact the change you wish for the world. The change you want your children to grow into or even the change you want to undergo because what you learned as a child doesn’t serve you or anyone. Your shell belongs to you and should be filled with what you believe in. It doesn’t matter what your friends, family, media, etc., say about the world or a situation. This life you have is yours to live each day. Essentially you have two choices to make each day, and that is whether to Love or Hate. I choose to love because hate has no place in the shell I desire.

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts