Emotional intelligence is going to be dealing with our non-verbal communication. An example of emotional intelligence is if you have noticed someone sad, but the person may not be crying. You can see people from a different point of view besides the typical signs someone is feeling a certain way if you have a higher level or a tuned-in level of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence goes much deeper than reading people’s emotions. You can also see their confidence levels and insecurities, even though they might not be obvious. In today’s blog, I will be breaking down what emotional intelligence is and why it is essential in our life. 

Emotional intelligence is almost like a sixth sense that people can learn how to have. The person just needs practice in the areas of the unconscious and unconscious, and lastly, critical thinking. If you put all those pieces together, you will begin to form the basis for emotional intelligence. Just because you do the work does not instantly grant you this. You will have to work closely with many people to master this idea of emotional intelligence. Though you can do the work to strengthen this skill, some people have a greater natural tendency to be emotionally intelligent.

I was fortunate to be nurtured into a high emotional intelligence from a young age. This was one of the reasons that I pursued teaching and loved it. I saw the students I was teaching as more than just another body in the classroom. I could see their hopes and dreams for the future, along with their given personalities. This made teaching memorable and enjoyable each day. The personalities I had to learn and deal with daily have helped prepare me for what I do today in my coaching career. Being able to feel what a person is feeling or to be able to put yourself in their shoes to a certain degree helps the coaching process immensely. 

There are many subtle cues to what a person thinks or feels. Though the person may not be aware they are displaying these emotions, our subconscious will place our feelings on a platter for people to see; the problem is that not everyone can pay attention. Many people are so concerned with their own life that they cannot even notice when someone close to them is hurting. This is not because they do not have a close bond or do not love/care for each other. It can simply be that the person doesn’t have a high level of emotional intelligence. Many relationships struggle because one person might think the relationship is perfect while the other secretly suffers because their partner cannot pick up the hints that they need something.

Though it is not our job to regulate anyone’s feelings besides our children, we must be aware of how a person feels to create a deeper bond. Have you ever found someone who you instantly clicked with? There is a high probability that you and that person are aligned emotionally and that you just get each other. I was looking for this when I was looking to marry my wife. It is hard to describe what that feeling should feel like, but if I had to put it into words, it would be that the other person can read your mind. Though we know they cannot, more often than not, we will be thinking about the same thing, or they will do something we are thinking about without us asking.

If you can find someone you bond with, I would tell you to treasure that person. This does not mean you will stay together forever; however, it does mean that you have a high probability of staying together until a falling out or growing apart occurs. This is a common thing in friendships and relationships. Sometimes people grow together, but sometimes they will grow apart. This is where being deliberate about seeing someone’s emotions can make relationships last a good while. I do encourage you not to keep relationships with just anyone. I believe that a relationship should benefit you in some way. If the person is taking more from you than they are giving, you must let them go even though you have high emotional bonds.

Not everyone with a high emotional intelligence level will use it for good. Some people will manipulate people to their bidding, and others may not even know they are being deceived. Then there will be cases where someone may have low self-esteem and stay with someone controlling being with someone and not being alone. As much as I would like to say to only use this talent for the better, I am fully aware that not everyone will, so that leads us to how to counteract an emotionally inept person.

If someone can read you like a book and they do not mean you well, then you have to become mysteries. That means you have to seize the majority of the conversations with this individual and, if you can, create separation and space. Eventually, the person will stop pursuing you and look for an easy target. That is because it takes a lot of brain power to be in that highly emotional and intelligent state. Now, you can build up endurance, but you would have to be doing it for hours a day, multiple times per week. I experienced this firsthand as a teacher. I would have summers off naturally, and when I returned to school the first week, I would go home drained! My activity level was not much different, but the amount of brain power I used daily was nothing like my days off in the summer.

Seeing others on the emotional level can help impact higher levels of growth and learning. This is because you can create a bond that tethers you to this individual, and they will push past complacency to meet you where you want them. These are expectations and standards at work. For example, when we were younger, we would have taken away the measures and expectations from the classroom. In our classrooms today, those standards and expectations have been replaced with opinions and personal values. You must understand that everyone will be in a unique position, and we can either change them for the better or change them for the worst.

Sadly, in our current society, many people with strong levels of emotional intelligence dictate what to believe and act. Though they might believe what they do to be good, they are doing a great disservice to people with opposing beliefs. That means that we will conform to another person’s will for life and not take a look at what we want for ourselves. This will eventually cause a rift in our identity and character, leading us to that stuck feeling or being in a constant state of depression and unease. People do not realize how important it is to find what you are passionate about in life and go after it with every ounce of your being. 

If a person would dive deeper into who they are and who they want to be, they will find out their truth. That truth will bring about an understanding of what they want in life, and that can create the opportunity to increase their level of emotional intelligence. This was something I had to learn the hard way because I didn’t have anyone guiding me along this path to a higher level of understanding and emotions. Though I have great control over my emotions and can control other people’s emotions to a degree, I still have to put in the work every day to maintain a high level of emotional intelligence. That means I clearly understand who I am and what I want.

If you can know who you are on almost every micro level, you will develop a higher level of critical thinking and emotional intelligence. I will say that emotional intelligence is not some magic trick you can use to brainwash people. I will say it is more of a bridge you can use to connect to people more quicker. The benefits to this are immense, and if you can pay attention to the emotions that come about, you will find a deeper meaning behind what you do and should be doing in life. Though it is not foolproof, it is an excellent place to check in and ensures you are in alignment with your soul.

In closing, emotional intelligence is the ability of people to understand and use emotions to get a deeper understanding of self or to build relationships through effective communication. I will say that some people will remain clueless their whole life about being emotionally intelligent. Still, if you are reading this, you are about to begin that journey to a higher level of communication. This will not make you better or worst than another individual, but it will help you create more harmony in your life because you will be able to create connections and good graces with the people around you. 

Becoming emotionally intelligent is a skill that a coach like myself can help you become aware of first and then slowly become proficient in. I encourage you to check out the available monthly coaching plans we have available to begin the work of becoming more aware and increasing your emotional intelligence. You will first notice how much your life should represent you. Next, you will notice how much of the lives around you mean. Lastly, you will see the positive effects caused by being aware and open to others rather than being closed and cold to the world. If you can gain a deeper understanding of what it means and takes to be emotionally intelligent, you will notice your life shift for the better.

 

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts