One of the things we have to understand is that our minds will be susceptible to the smallest of things. That is why it is essential to maintain positive self-talk when dealing with ourselves. In the scheme of the whole mindset, we must also be aware of the declarations we tell ourselves and others. When we do this, we will be using our emotions rather than our logical brain most of the time. Though emotions are a good thing when controlled, they can be one of the roadblocks you will have to destroy later in life if you do not follow these directions in today’s blog.

I believe that true power comes when you have control over your emotions. This is not to say that all your emotions must be under lock and chain, but when you can think without emotion, you will start to see what is within you and what is around you. Many people tend to operate solely on their feelings, and it can cause them many problems in life. They will spout if they feel this way or give this excuse. This will only lead to more inaction, which is the opposite of where we should be going in life.

The premise for many of the dangerous phrases we tell ourselves is rooted in childhood. The next most significant area will be our most emotional stage in development, our teen years. Our last area will be at some point in our mid to late 20s but can even be later, depending on your current state of mind and environmental stimuli. These three areas will be the three stages we will have some change in, but what happens in them will be our guide to the way we think, and that can be a good thing, or it can be a bad thing.

The three most dangerous phrases a person can say to ruin their mindset without being negative are as follows.

1. I’m going to give my child the life I never had
2. This is just who I am
3. I’m busy

These three phrases might seem harmless, but in the sense of mindset, they do some of the most damage to the brain, just below a trauma. When you read these words, you might think that I say these phrases all the time, and I am fine. Yes, you might think you are fine, but these phrases act as a slow decay that will take years to finally realize the adverse effects it has had on your mindset.

Get into the first phrase of saying that you want to give your children the life you never had growing up. First, I want to say that I am happy you realize you had a rough childhood and want better for your offspring. However, we have to ask, are you not satisfied with who you have become? That answer will tell you more about your mindset than your daily horoscope. I want you to understand that your life led you to who you are today. All the challenges and struggles you faced made you a stronger person. Do you not want your children to be strong?

Many parents take the duty of protector past what was intended. In our current society, children can run to mom or dad and tell them their problems, and then we will have mom and dad running to the rescue. This shows the child that I can have mom or dad fight my battles if I have a problem. This, in the end, creates a weak mindset in the child because the child does not have to face any adversity because they pass off that challenge to their parents. You better believe that when my kid has a problem, I will do the same thing my father did and ask them, what will you do about it?

Being able to advise your child rather than giving them a life without a struggle will lead them to become more vital members of society. I do not know many parents who do not want the best for their children, but I see many parents sabotaging their kids unknowingly because they are using these dangerous phrases in hopes they give them a good life. A life without struggle and challenge is not a life worth living. Do you wonder why suicide is becoming a bigger problem in our children today than ever? We are doing them a great disservice as parents when we try to protect them rather than equip them with the tools and experiences to succeed. 

The second most dangerous phrase for our minds is saying we are who we are. When we tell someone this is just who I am, you give our total power away unto the universe and circumstance. You are not who you are because it is who you are. You are who you are because of what you put in. When you put a blanket statement on who you are, you lose focus on who you can become. This is not to say that we should not understand our present state of mind. This goes beyond learning about where we are because this statement does only one thing, and that tells us who and where we are with no action.

This is the same mindset as saying you hope things get better or go your way. When you wish for something to happen, you take out action and leave everything up to chance. Yes, you can get lucky, but many people will often stay in this state of mind for the rest of their lives and not make any changes for a better tomorrow. What needs to start to happen is that people need to realize where they are and develop a plan to get to where they want to be. Saying you are a sure way will sap all the power and motivation out of you before you even realize you have wasted your life away in a cascading trend of inaction.

The last dangerous phrase we should stay away from to have a stronger mindset is the phrase; I’m busy. This phrase is harmful to the people around us and us. When we say, I am busy; we tell ourselves that we have no time to do anything. This could be true, but often it is a lie we tell ourselves. Telling ourselves that we are busy is like a bandaid to a bigger problem. We are creating an excuse to allow ourselves to feel better due to our lack of action. This phrase will trick the brain into thinking that since there is no time to be more than we are right now, it is ok to remain where we are or simply do our best.

There is more to this phrase than having our minds fall into complacency and false comfort. We will also have to look at the relationships around us when we recite the phrase I’m busy. You would not tell your boss that you are busy and do not do the job you were hired for. This is not to say that you should not relay this to your boss if you are inundated with work. There is a difference between having a large workload already and not being able to take on more and simply saying you are busy to avoid more work than you can handle. Saying I’m busy shows people that you are lazy and where your priorities lie.

When it comes to relationships, the phrase I’m busy is even more harmful than what it does to our minds. When we tell our family or partner that we are busy, that is telling their mind that they are not important enough to be a priority. In many of my relationship coaching sessions, I have to address this phrase as the number-two reason why the relationship is on the rocks. If you tell someone who cares for you that you are busy enough, they will eventually not care as much, which is murky water for any relationship. 

We must learn how to prioritize our schedule and communicate with people when truly busy. Simply saying that you do not have time right now, but you will have time in one hour is a complete shift in what it does to our mind and the other person’s mind. We are saying that I will make time for the things that matter, and they will see that you are not available for an hour. This can be difficult for children because they want things immediately, but they will learn to be patient when they have to wait. They will know more about regulating their emotions when they have to wait than if they receive instant gratification consistently.

In closing, these three phrases have a significant impact on our mindset. Knowing that these three phrases can make or break us is worth some time to see if we are using these phrases in our life. Though you might say them and retract them later, we have to be more mindful of what we tell ourselves because that will be one of the main factors if we choose to go after more in our life. If you struggle with any of these phrases, reach out to me. We will get you the coaching you need to get out of that way of thinking and into a new and stronger mindset. That mindset will help you achieve more in life and be better equipped to take on the world. 

 

Until then,

Michael Rearden

Founder of Reven Concepts